There are moments when you have no idea how you are feeling. Not because you don't know, but because you have so many different emotions in a short amount of time that you can't name one because another just took over.
You're up, you're down. You feel like running, or simply walk for miles, and at the same time you just want to lay down, and take time for yourself. But instead of feeling good, is making you crazy, because you feel like you are loosing time doing nothing, and you become so aware of the time that elapses, of the things you HAVE to do, and you feel the pressure, get angry, get up and start doing those things, or others, trying in a way to delay the imperative stuffs, revolting in a way against the things that HAVE to be done.
Then you have a peaceful moment. Your body fills with calmness, and a wonderful feeling of warmth, happiness, easiness, love for life, and just feel like everything is perfect, and exactly as is supposed to be.
You are so relieved to escape from all those nasty things that were draining you up. But then you start to panic. Either something comes to your mind and disturbs everything, or you just go nuts for no reason at all. You feel like something is going to happen. You don't know what. You feel like is going to be strong, and, almost sure, a bad thing, but you have no idea what. It is eating you alive, making you toss and turn inside, feel trapped, like the walls are closing up on you, and you just want to happen already and free yourself from these feelings.
You move through the day and suddenly you feel free. You're breathing differently, like taking air in for the first time. You are liberated. No more stress, no more strings, no more choking. Life is better again. You're calm.
You're not always like this. It doesn't always feel like the world is about to end and you are the only one who feels it in your entire body. Sometimes you go through these things without even sensing it, and you think that this is how you always want to feel, like it doesn't matter all that much, like things aren't all that tragic, and what happened - happened, or what is to come, will come, either you stress about it or not.
Some things need to be taken as they are. We can't alter them in any way, and that is not necessarily a bad thing. We don't need to control every little thing that happen to us, or with us. Sometimes not knowing is good. Not being able to change something, or have any kind of effect over it, is good. And when you are experiencing a thousand feelings per minute, just wait, let them pass, because they will pass. Cry if you need to, walk if you feel to ... do whatever you need to do to survive that moment in time, and things will get better.
Sleeping just a few hours per night, or just going to bed really late will mess up with your nervous system making you feel all these mixed emotions and feel like you can't calm down. Even if you do sleep in late in the morning, it will delay the moment when your system fails, but it won't prevent it from happening.
Trying to sleep before midnight, crying if you feel like it, or taking some calcium can help with these mixed emotions. Try not to care all that much, it will do you good.
Photo credit: myself ... this photo can not be used without mentioning the source.
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