Peace

Have you ever woken up and feel such a peaceful feeling in all your body? It doesn't happen often, that complete calmness feeling that goes through your veins and makes you feel at peace with the entire surrounding world.

You can smell the air like you never did before. Taking your time, like you would like to get it all inside. Even the weather seems perfect to take a long walk. As crazy as it may sound, you have a smile in you. Feel inner peace, calm, easiness, like you found yourself after a long time. It's like when you are really thirsty on a hot summer day and you drink a big glass of cold water. You feel it sliding down your throat, going through all your body and cooling you down in such an amazing feeling.

This is the moment when I feel like I can do anything, like the limits disappeared, and everything is possible now. You feel the love in you and around you, caressing and embracing you. You want to kiss the world, to hold it tight in your arms and let her know how much you love her. You start loving people again, want to do things, and the world start making sense again.

When you've been under a lot of pressure, confusion and incomprehensible anger, this is like a breath of fresh air. Your heart is so light, and your entire body is like a feather.

Don't let this moment go away. Enjoy it. Feel it. Live it. It doesn't come often, so let it run through your entire being, filling you up with the joy of living. Feel it in every bone of your body, in every muscle, and surrender completely. 

After a moment like this one, you might feel like your energy skyrocket, so do something with it. Use it as fuel to do the things you always wanted, to work on your dreams, and to just start living your life. This is the moment when everything feels perfect, when your life feels amazing. Stop, and enjoy it!



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What Is the Purpose of Life?

Where are we heading? Is there somewhere we are heading to? Is there a destination? We are running so fast sometimes toward something and we don't even know what, or where it is.

I feel sometimes like I am consuming in a second the flame for an entire lifetime. Like I am running with such speed that it seems like time is compressed into a second. I have morning now and a moment later is evening, and I still have fuel to go three more rounds. I'm so pumped up with energy that the night turns into day, and the hours I lose in bed make me puff and twist and turn, wanting to turn dark into light and start over.

 Every new project is a new beginning, a new start, a new reason for living. It is filling me up with adrenaline, I start dreaming, and wanting, I am acting and reacting to the world around me and I feel life rushing through my veins. I feel alive.

The air is sharper, the sky is bluer, the Sun shines brighter, and everything around just goes through me at an intensity that is hard to describe. I need this. I need the new dreams, the new ambitions to make me feel life, to make me understand the purpose we are here ... the purpose I am here. The reason everything happens.

I have dreams, I have them loud and clear. I am just searching for ways to make them real, to bring them in my world, in my reality.

Some seem to have it so easy. They sneeze and get their way. Some fight like crazy for what they want. Some go through life as if they are in a competition. It is like you could write the definition of a hard life just by describing their own, but they are still so strong and positive and determined to live their life that you can't help wanting to have at least half of their strength, and determination, of zest and willingness to live. Yet others buy a new wallet and they are crazy happy of how beautiful it is, but they break to pieces and shut down when they realize it doesn't fit any purse, so they spent the money in vain.

The reaction of a full of life person would be to either return it, or sell it and get the money back, or give it to someone who has less, or as a gift, leave it in a drawer until they find a bigger bag they will like and buy ... this is the one who will find a way to get over this situation.

The other one won't want to return it or sell it, because they wanted a wallet, and any of these options would result into not having any wallet at all. They won't give it away, because they spent money on it that they lost and the idea of throwing money away when they fight to make them is not an option. They won't give it as a gift, because the liked the wallet so much, and they feel like no one is good enough to receive that amazing wallet that they loved that much. Buying another bag is out of discussion, because that would imply spending more money, possibly on an acquisition that will prove to be as bad as the wallet.

Why does it seem so easy for some and feel like the end of the world for others? We have some lessons to learn? Are we learning them? Did they already learn them and now they just cruise through problems and life?

Which tell of the afterlife and previous life is it true? Do we get to choose where we go, what family, what city or country, what social condition? Do we choose what struggles to go through in life? Choose the people we meet, good and bad, and pre-create the experiences we will have? Is the purpose set before?



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Fighting Anxiety

There is something pressuring you and you just can't put your finger on it. You are up and down,and all over the place. You feel like sitting, but also standing. Feel like doing something, but also don't start nothing. You want to run, but you want to stay. You feel your heart beating so fast, and then you're calm.

This is anxiety .... and this is a really nasty feeling.

I know you feel like you can't get over this, but actually you can. This is really possible. What do you really feel like doing? What is it that is pressuring you? The anxiety feeling appears when you either want to do something, but there are other things that keep popping out, stopping you from doing what you wanted, either when you have something to do, but other things are interfering with what you should be doing.

You have a million things to do, and you make a list of priorities that you want to finish in a given amount of time so you can also go to bed - preferably earlier than the other days when you pushed 1-2 AM easy,and you were a zombie all day long ... everyday - but your phone is ringing, and the person at the other end is not looking as if they would want to end the conversation any time soon, and you feel like you're fibrillating. When the finally do hang up, your loved one wants something from you, then your child is calling, then you get thirsty or you have to go to the bathroom, and you find out you have to take your shower now because all the others scheduled for it and if you are not going now you will get your turn by the time you were planning to be in bed. And all this time you feel this agitation inside you because you have a plan and you are nowhere near it.

So stop. Stop what you are doing and do what you wanted or had to do. Tell the person on the phone that you have to hang up. Tell you're loved one you love them, but you need 10 minutes to finish what you were doing, ask someone to bring you a cup of water, tell them you will take your shower in between their "bathroom appointments" and do you're stuff. You will see that the feeling of calm and release will take over your entire body and you will feel liberated, you will feel like you can finally breath free.

Make your schedule by what you have to do, not by what others give you.

You don't have these feelings everyday, so they don't always have to make their plans considering your wishes, this is why they can understand that today you have less patience and a higher level of anxiety. Explain that to them. Get a good night sleep and tomorrow you will go back to being calm and positive and everything will get back to normal.

You deserve one day of doing things your way in order to get better.



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Who Are You? - This Is Me! - The Greatest Showman

This is me. The one who's sometimes up, and sometimes down. The one who changes her mind more often and faster than she would want to. The one who loves the world and everything in it, and sometimes hates it just as much. The one who wants to do so many things at once, feeling energized and pumped with life, moving mountains and building new stairs to heaven, but I am also the one who is getting tired, who wants to lay down and take a step back from trying to do everything at once.

This is me. The one who wants to change the world, to build a better place where happiness is not for sell, where health is not for rent, and where love doesn't have a schedule. The one who looks at the world and sees the enormous beauty that it has, and sees what it can be, and wants to bring that vision to life. But I am also the one who feels discouraged, and full of fears, who's afraid she won't make it, but then she's afraid of what she can do.

This is me. The one who fights so much to keep that dream alive and tries to find ways to make it true, but also the one who is overwhelmed by everything around, by the fight, and the hopelessness and the fear that this won't come true.

This is me. The one who gives up trying when people try to stop her dreams, when things get hard and they seem impossible, when time is passing and the world doesn't stop to wait for her and her plans, but I am also the one who rises stronger, hoping harder and wishing with a higher intensity to fight, to make things work, to make her dreams come true and transform the world as she's seeing it.

This is me ... the one who wants a better world ... and I am starting with me. It's not easy, but if we all give up, there won't be anyone left to change it, and I can't imagine a world where my plans to make it better won't work.

Fall down, lay on the floor, feel drained and give up for a second, a minute, an hour, a day, a week, a month ... take as long as you need, but at some point remember your dreams, your hopes and your plans, and get up, and fight to get them, because no one else will fight for you, because no one else will have the exact vision that you do ... so change the world ... you have the power in you.

"The Greatest Showman" with Hugh Jackman, Zac Efron, Michelle Williams, Rebecca Ferguson and Zendaya - I don't care how historically accurate it is, I only know that this movie made my heart smile, and my eyes cry, and feel an entire range of emotions that left me wanting to see this movie again. Don't think or care about anything else, just enjoy the movie and see where it takes you.



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Feeling Tired And Anxious

Two night of not sleeping well can mess up with your mind and mood big time. I have no idea why the lack of sleep, cause I am pretty tired when I am going to bed, but no matter how sleepy I feel and how tired I am, I still find myself looking at something on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest or Twitter, or searching for something online that might help with my business, and I find myself still awake at late night hours, and getting kind of nervous at some point when I realize I only have a few hours left to sleep.

Why is it so hard to just go to bed and sleep? It shouldn't right? You go to bed, turn off the light, leave everything aside and sleep. But I guess it's not that easy when you have so many thoughts running through your mind with 100 miles an hour.

Sometimes you just want to do everything yourself. You feel like no one will do it as good as you, as fast as you, as perfect as you. You are the absolute sole person on the face of the Earth that can do those things exactly as they should be done. You want to let someone else do it, release yourself from the pressure of having to do that thing and having to do it perfectly, you would love to delegate and just sit back and relax, and if things don't end up as they should you won't be the blame for it, you don't have to take responsibility, feel guilty, and nervous for being your fault. You would love so much to do that. But you can't, because you want to badly for things to be done in a certain way, and you care so much about the outcome that you just can't let someone else do it.

So you end up even more tired than before. Everything hurts, your mind is tired, you can't even concentrate on simple things, you get angry out of the stupidest things, even the voice of someone talking to you makes you angry, for absolutely no reason at all but the fact that by them talking, you have to concentrate, and pay attention, and your mind just can't do that anymore.

It is normal. Everybody is going through this at some point, and it is perfectly normal to feel this way when you are at that level of tiredness. You do however, have to remember that the person you are lashing out at has no fault that you are tired, and maybe they are actually trying to help, or just trying to make you feel better. So before you jump at their throat, maybe won't be such a bad idea to tell them how tired you are, and how this is making you nervous and edgy, and maybe you should try to either go to sleep, or try to make yourself feel better by taking a nice bath, or listening to some nice music, or watch a movie or a TV show that you love.

Do whatever will help you to be happy, and delegating sometimes, or letting others try to do the things you think only you can do, can help you relax more and have more happy moments to enjoy life, rather than going through it feeling tired and nervous all the time.

Take time for yourself and remember that you are human, and not being perfect is ok.



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The World is Yours

2018 already started for three days now, and, of course, I am no different than the rest of the world. But that's more than ok, cause I don't want to be different, nor alike, nor perfect. I just want to be me, as I am, with flaws, with ups and downs, with good moments hopefully more than bad ones, with joy and happiness and wishes of better.

I want to write more this year. About what I feel, what I am living. This blog was always meant to be different. To tell the story of a true life, with true feelings and emotions that people go through every day, but rarely - if ever - talk about it. So this year I would like to try to write my story. Maybe I won't have things to talk about every day, but when that will happen I will just gather them together placing more days in one post.

Someone once told me that we shouldn't see the New Year as a beginning, but rather as a continuance. Apparently this way you don't set your mind to "having to start over", but just continuing what you already have. I don't know if this is true or not, but my story starts with:

December 30, 2017

Preparing for New Years, just as any other person in the world, especially women, I am cleaning my house, cooking what we were supposed to serve on New Years Eve and the first days of the year, and - for the very first time - I am taking time for me and going to a movie that I have so long waited for and wanted to see: #Ferdinand - which was simply amazing.

I am usually critic when it comes to movies and animations, because I have really seen a lot of them, and given the technology we have today I am expecting great things to be done, but this animation movie was just as wonderful as I have expected it to be after seeing the trailer. There were a few scenes with the calming goat that I didn't really see the point of, but overall, the movie was even better than the trailer.

This is not just an animation for children. The room was full with adults, either they came with kids or on their own. So, go see it. Have fun. Relax and enjoy an hour and a half of wonderful cartoon.

December 31, 2017

It's a Sunday, so of course that the only things I might do is make some sweets. Well ... if I had any left to do, but since I kept preparing for a few days, I had nothing to do now, so I chilled, and thought to go see another movie: #StarWars #TheLastJedi.

I have to admit that I wasn't that impressed with #TheForceAwakens, so I have postponed seeing this Star Wars episode, but I am happy to say that I have judged wrong and this episode was really good. Way better than The Force Awakens - of course, this is just my opinion.

So, this ends up being another movie that I recommend seeing. You do have to prepare yourself as it will last for 2 hours and a half, so go to toilet before entering, and arm yourself with enough snacks if you know yourself as someone who chews a lot during movies - or at least have some gum to keep you busy during the slow parts of the story.

This is the first year when I don't fell festive for New Year. I just didn't feel the New Year. The emotion I used to have in the past, the way I couldn't wait for it to come, to start a new year, to see the fireworks while I drink a glass of children champagne - my favorite every year. I was at the mall and it was almost sad to see how few people were in there. I guess I was the only one not feeling New Years Eve and since it was the first time going through this I had no idea how to react. I hoped I will catch the bug by seeing everyone else running all over the place preparing for it, but unfortunately it didn't happen. So I went home and waited for New Year to happen.

I've put on a nice outfit and some makeup before midnight, opened the children champagne with hubby and waited for the clock to show 12 o'clock. I felt a bit of emotion when midnight stroke and fireworks started, the TV was on and everyone was screaming Happy New Year, but it wasn't the strong feeling I used to have on this night, but I guess something is better than nothing at all.

I didn't feel sad or anything for not feeling New Year's Eve, I had a few Christmases I haven't quite felt, so it wasn't very tragic. Practically this was the first time when I saw 2018 as a continuity of 2017, just like another day has started, not another year.

January 01, 2018

The first day of the year was, as I said, just another day. Since we were both off from work we decided to go out for a walk and see what else comes our way. The weather was so beautiful you might have thought Spring was coming. After a walk we decided to go see another movie - as I told you, I am watching a lot of movies, the reason why I am acting like a critic, because I can compare them to others of its kind. We saw: #Jumanji

Dwayne Johnson, Kevin Hart and Jack Black are always a great idea for a movie, especially a comedy, but I had no idea Nick Jonas can act, and really well I might add.

I liked this movie a lot. Of course there was room for way more to do with the movie, more special effects, more action, more challenges ... but what saves them is the script, which has many funny moments, and the actors who act really well and gives the movie a nice flow, so you don't feel that much the need for more action.

You should go see the movie if you haven't already.

January 02, 2018

No more movies today. We are taking a break from it and just choose to take a walk to the mall, and be surrounded by people. I feel the need sometimes to be around many people. Hear them talk, laugh, pass by them on the street ... be a part of their lives for a split of a second, or watch them from a distance. You can discover so much about what being normal means just by watching others. I have a writer bone in me, I guess I was born like that, and watching people is what any writer does. We are also a bit off and we need others to connect us with reality, so we observe others, and learn that we are as normal as can be, because we see others do the exact things that we are doing, things that we were questioning ourselves if they are normal to do or say.

Tomorrow is back to work day. In a way I can't wait to start again and do amazing things. On the other side, I am trying to set a balance in my life and when I have a day off to act like on a day off.

I have also started to read again. I love my books, and I have missed them. I am assigning at least 30 minutes in the evening to read. I've finished #TheGreatGatsby and I loved it. I am actually sorry I've finished it and I won't meet Gatsby and Daisy, and Nick and Jordan. This was a story I didn't wanted to end, I wanted to go on and see how their lives went on. It was just like with The Catcher in the Rye, I've wanted that book to go on forever, until the characters got old, that is how amazing, complete and complex I found that book. 

I've started The Name of the Rose, and I am hoping it will end up being just as wonderful as the previous two - I am reporting to these two because these are the ones I've read latest, because I lot the number of books I've read in my life.

January 03, 2018

I have finally reached the current day. As I said yesterday, this is the first day back to work from this year. I have many plans to grow my work, my business that I have with my sibling. I have also started writing this on my blog. I am not trying to make it a diary, I still want it to be a different kind of blog, a blog where if one person finds comfort then I am happy to know I've helped someone find their way, or at least helped them feel normal, understand they are not alone, and so many others go through similar experiences daily, they just don't talk about it. 

Take time off, see a movie, read a book, write something down, cook something for the first time, go for a walk, buy something small for yourself - it doesn't have to be expensive - feed a street person or a street animal, do something that will break your usual cycle, and you will be amazed of how different you will feel, how your whole mood will change and how confident and good you will feel.

Have fun, and do something new, something just for you.


Oh ... and  P.S.:  I have decided to make a baby ... well ... we decided, cause I'm not making it alone :) ... I'll let you know how that works, and I'll tell you more about it tomorrow.



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If this helped you in any way, you can donate a little something to help me keep going. No amount is too small, but it is deeply appreciated. Thank you :)

 

 

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