Do People Change?

 

 They do. And they don't.  

I know it might sound confusing. People can change, but they change only if they want to change. If they get to that point where they don't like something about themselves anymore, they are absolutely tired with that thing, they start to change.

Everything comes front he inside. I know you've heard this a thousand times probably, but everything comes from the inside. Every single change that you do, you do because you feel you want to.

I read something a while back saying that "growth comes when you get tired of your own bullshit", and that is so true. That is what says it so well that you change when you feel there is something you want to change. 

People can't change you. Never. They can influence you through how they are and you feel the need for a change to match them, or to become more than you are, but people can't change you. Just as you can't change anyone around you. 

If someone gives up a bad habit, it is because they felt they needed or wanted that change. If they fall in love with someone and they know that person is so good for them and their soul and they want to do everything they can to keep that person in their life, they will feel the need to change in order to match that person, to give that person their best, because they want to, they feel that. 

How do people change? Sometimes on their own, working hard on erasing years of habit and behavior. Sometimes they need help, so they go to a specialist, a coach, a therapist ... who ever they need and feel that they are resonating with in that moment. 

Would you change for anyone? Truly change. Would you give up a habit of yours for someone? Would you truly? Forever? Think about it? 

But have you changed because you felt it in you that you don't want to do that anymore? Or be like that anymore? That is the true change. The one that lasts. 

When you try to change to please someone else, or because you are coerced into doing so, you will come back to your habit as fats as something goes wrong, or it gets harder. You feel trapped and unhappy. Unloved, unappreciated, unwanted, and everything "un" possible. But when you want that change, when you crave it, when you had enough of yourself in that state, and you change, it will be hard, but you won't want to give up. And every step you take forward will empower you even more, and make you want to do even more steps. You will feel like you can do anything, be anyone, and have an amazing sense of relief. 

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Why We LIKE or DISLIKE Someone

 

 

You must have noticed that there are people that we instantly like, and people that we instantly don't like. We did not get to create a connection with them, but we feel one way or the other immediately, and we might stick with it for a while, if not forever. 

That's their energy. This is what we first feel about someone. Before they even open their mouth, we feel their energy, which can be attracted or rejected by our own energy. We might vibrate differently at some point, as one changes. But that first reaction, that's energy. 

The same energy is responsible for how we continue to feel about someone. 

We tend to like the people who have the energy we are lacking, and we're searching for, and we tend to dislike people who have the type of energy that we carry in us, but that we don't like about us. 

For example, if we lack the calm, balanced, relaxed energy, and we want that, our soul and body needs it, we will feel a good, likable attraction towards someone who has that type of energy. Because it completes ours, and it teaches our energy how to behave that way, how to mimic that energy. 

If we are all over the place, skipping from one thing to another, not finding ourselves able to focus enough on something to expand that thing in order to create a better situation for ourselves, than when we meet the same type of energy in someone else, we have this feeling of rejection towards that person. We don't like them, but most of the times we can't put our fingers on why we don't like them. They might be doing all the right things, say all the right words, but we still have that growling feeling towards them. That is because our energy recognizes their energy and rejects it. We search for what we lack and need in order to become better, not to hold us in the same place, or draw us back.

Take a look at those people that your energy attracts or rejects. See how they are, what they do, what they aspire to and how they are working towards that. What is their behavior, what are their beliefs? Are they what you aspire to, or what you have and try to change? 

You don't need to drop seeing that person completely if your energy rejects them. Especially if it's someone that you have to see. What you can do, is accept them as they are. Don't try to change them. You tend to get irritated when you see them do the things that you are doing and you are trying to change about yourself, and you want to stop them. You don't have to do that. They have to take the decision to change if that is what they really want and need. And changing them won't change you. Most of the times you won't be able to change them, and you will only end up losing energy that you can use towards something else, and fight with that person, or they don't even care at all, they might be just comfortable as they are. 

People don't change because we want them to change, people change because they need to change, they need something else.

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We All Feel It -- We Just Don't Talk About It

 

 

I have been writing on this blog for a while now, and I truly hope you found some help in it while reading it. 

The reason I started this blog isn't because I have it all together, all figured it out, or because I've found the secret to forever happiness, but because I've been struggling, and I've been going through a lot, and I wished I had someone tell me how normal it all is, and how normal I am. That no one has it all figured it out, and what I am feeling is valid, and I am not alone in feeling that way. 

Life isn't always easy. It has amazing moments when you're so happy and you forget everything you've been through and all the hurt you've experienced. But it also has though moments, and some really bad moments sometimes, for some people. That is why I am not judging people I see on the street who do what they can to survive (and I'm not talking about bad things). 

I have moments when I'm feeling down. And sometimes I don't even have a reason for that. I have no idea why I'm feeling that way. And I used to think that something is wrong with me. Boy how I wished there was someone to tell me that I am normal, and we all get those feelings. You're not broken, and you're not wrongly wired or anything like that, you're just feeling down. Sometimes is because you're tired. Sometimes spending too much time in front of a computer, or a phone, or tablet, will get you feeling like this. Sometimes you're just tired of fighting, tired of hoping, tired of waiting. You are ok. And you are normal. 

Don't guide your "normal" by how the people around you are. They might be in their happy moments, when they forgot how hard it was before. Or they might just try to put a smile on, and try to forget they're feeling like that. Like you do it too when you're feeling that way. Everything that you are doing to help you move on and seem normal on the outside, is the same thing that they are doing, they're just not talking about it. 

I hope you realize how good you are, how normal everything is, and how it will be ok. It all passes. Everything passes. Just cope with today. Tomorrow will be better. Something wonderful will happen. And you will find your way. Smile wonderful soul. You're amazing 😊

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Stop Falling In Love With Everybody

 

 

I'm talking to you, beautiful child that you were unwanted, and you're looking for love in everyone around you. In every person that is good to you, or treats you nice. In every soul that smile at you and shows you kindness. Stop falling in love with all those people, just because you lack the love that you thought you will get from your parents.

You parents are humans as well. They had problems, and troubles, and they didn't know how to cope with things. Maybe they were scared out of their mind of having you. Maybe in the moment they find out about you, they might have been going through something. Lacking money, a house, a job, a support from their families and friends. There could have been going through so many things. You know how it is. You've lived that too. And you had so many moments when you thought you can't make it through it, and hoped that nothing unpredictable will appear. 

Forgive them. Forgive their lack of love when they did not know how to react to your coming into the world. Forgive their lack of love when they were panicked and beaten down because they didn't know how to raise you, and take care of them at the same time. Forgive them, cause they did not have the mental strength to deal with what that moment was giving them. 

You might have had that scare. That moment when things might not have been that great and the idea of a child scared the hell out of you. You had that moment. You would like your child to forgive you for having it. 

Stop looking for love in all those people that are not able to give it to you. Let them be nice and kind to you because that's their nature, and not because they are there to heal you. 

Love yourself. Love yourself so much that you heal every wound from within yourself and your past. Love yourself so much that you are enough. And that you heal your future. And when someone is good to you, you're happy to receive it and give back that same beautiful goodness. 

You can talk to them and ask them honestly about how it was, and see in their eyes how much they regret that they didn't know how to better face that moment. You will see in their eyes how much they love you, and how they would give their own life for you. See that love and understand that they did the best they could. 

If you unfortunately don't have them in your life anymore, write them a letter, and tell them everything your would like to tell them. And remember while writing it that they were humans too, and they did the best they could with what they had in that moment, and with the strength they had at that moment. 

Forgiving them, and understanding them will heal you. Loving yourself will heal you. You'll discover that you are enough, and any other outside love that comes will only be there to add to the love you already have, from loving yourself. 

Love yourself. You deserve it. You are a wonderful human being. You are worth it ❤️

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Can You Be Happy 24/7 ?!?

 

 Can this be possible? 

No. It can't. And I am not trying to bring you down, or burst your bubble, or anything like that, but being happy all day, every day is not possible. 

You are content. You are at peace. You are calm, you are relaxed. You are in a good state of mind, but you are not happy 24/7. You can't be. And that's normal. And it is also ok, cause, think about it for a second, if you are happy all the time, do you know that you're happy? Are you still fighting to get anything at all? If you are perfectly content with where you are, and how you are, will you ever move and try to change anything? Why change it? Because there might be something better in line. And because we weren't made to just exist and that's all. We were made to move forward, to try new things, to step into a new version. 

I have days when I am so happy, and so content with everything, but I also know that I want - not necessarily need, but want - to move forward. To see what's next. 

And then, I also have those days when my enthusiasm goes South, my motivation lacks, and I feel like things are not going anywhere, you're loosing hope. And it is hard to come out of this. The more you stay in it, the harder it gets to pull back up. That's the moment when you have to work with yourself and tell yourself that everything will be ok. Cause it will. It always has been, right? Things worked out one way or the other. Always. You have to remind yourself that. And you have to choose what to think. 

I'm not saying it's easy. Your mind will go places, but you stop yourself in the middle of the thought and choose not to think that. Choose to change it. You don't necessarily have to replace it with something super amazing, but just choose to think of something else. 

What's our biggest fear? That things will go wrong, that they won't work out. But what if they will? What if they will go well? Maybe not great, but well. I think we fear this so much because we fear pain and hurt. We fear sadness. 

"Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst" - I don't really agree with that. Why not hope for the best, but be prepared to embrace the good, not the best. Cause when things end up being good, but not amazing, that disappoints on some level. But they are good, they're not bad, right? 

Working with yourself isn't easy. It gets easier during time. You just have to choose each day to feel good. Choose to have a good thought. Choose to have a good day. And expect it to work out good (at least good), and this way you will be so happy when it turns out great. 

You can't be happy 24/7. And most of the time is just your mind feeding you things that aren't real. But you can try to be content. You can try to calm yourself down. To replace a bad thought with a good one. To find a way to accept change when it comes and make yourself comfortable in the newly emerged situation. You are wonderful. And you are amazing. And you will be fine. You always are. Just hang in there. Things always get better.

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Were You An Unwanted Child?

 

"You have never been wanted". These were the words I heard from a close relatives when I was just a child. It rang in my ears, and even if I did not hate or judged my parents for it, it stayed with me.  

I understood there were difficult times, and it was hard for them. I was not the only child, nor the first, and they were living though times, so another child wasn't something easy to handle. I look at myself now, pushing the moment to have my own. deciding I want it and I am ready, and then changing my mind. But maybe also because I don't feel ready for it, as stupid as that might sound. 

I have realized along my life that I was always looking for love. Someone to love me. To make me feel wanted. Stupid, right? Well, not so much. Because as an unwanted child, that you know you weren't wanted, you look for that. For that feeling of being wanted. Of someone loving you so much that they want all of you in their lives. 

My parents never denied that they said they didn't want another child when they were pregnant with me. And I say "they were pregnant" because they both conceived me. They've explained how hard it was for them back them, and how another child meant more worries, and more struggles, and having to have more money. As I grew up and they separated, more things came to my knowledge. How they were always so jealous and used to accused each other of cheating (again, stupid, but real), how my mother was crying a lot while pregnant. 

I don't want to give you a sappy story. I'm not the self pity kind (anymore). I choose not to be a victim. But I am aware that that messed up some things for me, and made me look exactly for the thing I did not have. Love. 

Don't get me wrong, I felt love growing up. Even now, as an adult, they made up plenty for it. But I guess it is true what they say, that the baby takes on the things they hear, experience, feel, through the umbilical cord while in uterus. And that comes back and bites them in the ass later on. I am fighting depression, and bad thoughts since ... well, ever. I am trying to keep my mind positive and optimistic, and I try to see life in a good way, to not let myself spire back into those bad thoughts. It's not always easy. You realize that there are things you struggle to get, and no matter how much you try to keep your faith up, they hit you. Sometimes really hard. And then you realize again you wanted love. You always wanted love. And, somehow, that is the thing you haven't gotten. And it hurts. 

You get the love of your parents. The love of your siblings. The love of some friends and dear people in your life. But you need that one love that rebuilds you up from inside. That unconditional love. You need your spouse love more than you need anyone's else love, because you live with them your life. And sometimes that's the hardest one to get.

I have experienced that unconditional love with my pets. They loved me so much, no matter what I did, that when they died, I felt alone. Even if I wasn't. I felt alone. And I felt like I lost love again. Because there wasn't anyone again to love me so much and make me feel loved and wanted. 

Be patient. All of you who see someone asking for love, because they did not get it when they needed to, and it is a war inside them. And be patient, all of you who did not get the love you needed. Try to heal on your won somehow. Seek professional help if you think you want to. 

 You will be fine. Remember this. You will be fine. Eventually we all are. And when you're having  a bad day, or days, try as hard as you can to pull yourself out of them. Because they are not helping you in any way if you let yourself go down. And remember that things always, always pass. So just be patient, and try to make yourself happy, cause no one else can do that from outside. 

You might not have been wanted at some point before you were brought into this world. But you are now. You are loved. You are wanted. You are important. There will always be people who will love you and want you so much into their lives. Just be patient. And fight to not stay down. 

You are loved. You are loved. And You are wanted. Now go change the world, cause you have everything you need in you 💓

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Worse Things Than Death

The worse thing I could ever imagine going through as I grew up, and even as an adult, was losing someone I loved, by them dying. That was the absolute worse. And I did had people that I loved, family members or friends that passed away, and it was so hard to get over it. Some deaths were worse than others, if you take into consideration how close you were to that person, what it represented for you, how much you loved them, how they died, if you got to say goodbye or not, how you left things before their passing. All these add to your brain and make you get over the even harder, or somewhat easier. 

Then I heard someone saying that there are worse things than death. And I thought "well, that's stupid". How could something be worse than that? You lost that person forever. You will never see them again. If you had a fight, you will never get to make things right again. You can't say you're sorry anymore. And I was finding more and more questions like these. 

Then I got my answers. What if they have a really bad disease and they suffer a lot? They are in daily pain that no pill can fix. What if they have health problems, mental problems, that makes it impossible for them to live? 

We usually want people to stay here because it's hard for us to let go. Cause the person who's passing isn't feeling it anymore. They are on the other side. They might still be able to see us, stay with us, and maybe suffer too because we are suffering, but usually we want them here for us, cause it helps us having them here.

 But if every day or every breath is a struggle, than I think that just might be worse than dying. Do you agree?

 

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How To Leave The Past In The Past

 

The day I learned this, is the day I got free.  

I was always the person who used to torment herself after something was happening that I could not control, that I maybe wished I did differently. I was losing sleep, having only that in my mind, thinking of what I should have said, what I should have done, going through all kind of scenarios in my mind. 

All that was doing was to make me so much angry and frustrated, because I obviously couldn't change anything. It was done. I couldn't go back. And, sometimes, the more you try to go back to that situation, to the people involved, and explain it, you only end up making it worst.  Plus that, sometimes, there just are things that you can't change. You can't change an accident that you had because of a decision you made. You can't catch the train you missed by a second, you have to wait for another one. There are situations where you just can't go back and undo it, cause that doesn't apply to it.

I did my share of bad decisions, of mistakes. I had my share of sleepless nights, of torment, and struggles to accept where those decisions got me. And I kept seeing posts on social media say "you can't change the past", and "you can't control the future". I understood it. But I was having trouble accepting it. 

One day, a mistake from my past came to mind, and it was working my mind so hard. I felt how I was getting low because of it. I juts got fed up. Having the same thought over and over again. I got so mad inside, and I told myself (as crazy as that might sound) on a mad tone: "Stop it. Stop doing this. Can you change this?! - No! - Can you do anything about it?! - No! - Then, if you can't go back in time and change it, if you can't do anything to change it, then just stop thinking of it."

If there is something you can change, than go and try changing it. But if there isn't anything you can do, then just leave it in the past. Leave it as it is. Most of the times our past "mistakes" don't even affect us in the present. It only consumes our mind, thinking of it. Don't let it destroy your present too. Learn from it. Don't do it again. But move on now. That is all that you can do. 

Just think about it for a minute. Honestly. If there is nothing that you can do, just learn from it, and move on. Don't let it control your mind anymore, and ruin your present. 

I'm still telling myself this every time. And when I do get it, and I release it ... how sweet the feeling is :) I feel so free. Because you realize that all the work your mind is doing, isn't able to turn back time and change the past. So, just you move on.

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It's YOUR Choice - You Know?!

 

I was always hearing motivational speakers saying this and I was thinking that it can't be true. It's not always your choice. There are situations where you have to do certain things, agree to certain things, because you don't have a choice.

But the more I think about it, the more I am starting to think they are actually right. I was thinking, yeah, maybe it is your choice if to watch the news or not. Things are happening in the world regardless of if you know about them or not. It is your choice if to eat that last piece when you're already full. If to lay in bed all day when you need to recharge, or get up and do things even if you feel drained. This is a choice. 

You might say, well, if you have a job and you need to do those things, it's not really a choice. Actually, it kind of is. Cause you are choosing not to call in sick and get a day off for yourself to regroup and come back better, sharper, faster. 

So, what if you have a job that you hate. You have to go to it, cause you need the money, right? You can't quit. But, in fact, you can quit. Nobody is stopping you from doing this but you. And the reason why you are stopping yourself from doing this is the fear that what if you don't find another job? What if you do and it's worst? What if you're working more instead of less? So, the thing that is making you make the decision to stay at that job is fear. But it is still a decision you are making. Based on the fear of the unknown. But what if another job might turn out to be the best thing ever for you? The best place you've ever worked with, with the best co-workers and the best bosses. Fantasy? Who says that? What if it turns out better than you thought it will?

I want to tone my body. Yet I am still eating junk food saying this is the last one. What is making me put that food in my mouth? My choice. I choose to do it, knowing that I shouldn't, and feeling guilty afterwards. I say that I will exercise more for what I am eating, to balance it, but after I eat it I get upset that I gave in, I go through all kind of punishment thoughts in my mind, and I end up not doing the exercises, because I am wasting all that energy focusing on the wrong choice I made. And this is also a choice. I am choosing to use my time and energy thinking back on that, instead of saying "I did it, I ate it, now I am working out for 15 minutes without a break". Cause after those 15 minutes, I guarantee you I wouldn't feel that bad anymore that I chose to eat the junk food. I would feel empowered that I said I will work out and I did it. I set my mind to something and I followed. 

But, as you see, it is our choice. It always is. So, what is your next choice?

 

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I Love Talking To You ❤️

 

 I love talking to you. Sharing what I have learned in all these years going through the stuff that I went through. And if I can help you find comfort and feeling at least a bit more normal in your life, then I am more happy than I can express it. 

I think I started understanding all the things I went through, a while after I've created this blog. It was mostly to help me have a place where I could talk about what was happening to me, what i was going through, kind of like a journal. But somewhere along the way I understood that my experience can help other people as well. And, that is when I thought that maybe what I went through was given to me to help others. Either it is through this blog, or through the characters I portray in my acting career, every episode brought something to me, and I can give back to the world. And help you see that you are not alone. And you are not the only one.

I didn't feel normal for many years. I felt like everyone had it together, and they knew how to live and be humans, and I was struggling. And I couldn't understand why that was. Talking to someone very dear to me told me something that reacted like a short circuit into my brain. She said "no one has it together. I'm scared too. I am afraid too. I wake up every day and just try to go through life." 

I had no idea. None. That I wasn't the only one. You know why? Because no one is talking about it. No one posts on their social media how they are lying on the floor not being able to move. Or how they are crying in the bathroom. How they go to bed with tears in their eyes. How they wake up not wanting to start another day. NO ONE talks about this. So, just the fact that you are feeling this doesn't mean that you are not normal. You are as normal as the next person.

And you're not only having bad days, or hard days. You have great and amazing days too. You have days when you can't wait to wake up. Days when you go to bed smiling. Days when you feel like you have so much love in you, and you feel so amazing, that you are close to hugging strangers on the street. You have those days too. They are there. Remember those when you are having a bad day. 

I did tell you in a previous post how you can influence your mind. You can change the pattern in it. You can have more days when you are feeling good. Just choose what thought you want to let in. It won't be easy peasy. You won't do it from the first try. They will try to come back and rule your mind, because that is what you are used to for years now. But you can fight it. You can. You really can. You can say: "No. I don't want this thought. I don't like it. I don't want it. I want to think of something else." Then find something else you would like to have in your mind. And start entertaining that thought. 

A post I see often on social media is: "what if things turn out even better than what you thought? entertain that idea." - And I absolutely love this thought. What if they turn out even better? Who's to say that they won't? You had times when you thought something won't work, and it did. And it was even better than you could have imagined it. Who's to say it won't happen this time as well?

- What if things turn out even better than what you thought? Entertain that idea. -

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Genuine Happiness For Others Can Be Taught

 

 I bet you didn't know this, or maybe you didn't thought it  was possible, but you can teach your mind to genuinely be happy for other people's success. 

I do have to admit that I wasn't the type to be happy for everyone's success in life. But that was a stop from me, because I was thinking why isn't it happening to me? I wanted to have that achievement too, or have that kind of success, or whatever the person did that I was hearing of. 

I was happy for close family, for dear friends that I loved, but I couldn't be happy for everyone and anyone. And that is a normal feeling. It took me a while to understand that a certain amount of envy is good. Cause it will also push you to try it, and to succeed. And you know when you have that really great friend that has a major achievement, and they are so happy, and you are happy for them, but you've probably been struggling for a while, so you have that little thought somewhere deep down that is making you think "awww, I want that too. I want it to be also me celebrating my achievements". And, again, that is normal.

But the brain does what you tell it too. The reptilian brain, I know how it sounds, but this is how is called 😊 is where your behavior resides. Everything you do on autopilot, comes from there. The way you eat, the way you walk, how you move, how you react to certain situations, that all comes from there.

The neocortex, the rational brain, in the big part of the brain that helps you read, talk, and understand what it is being told to you. And you also have the emotional brain, the limbic brain. This is the part that makes you react with an emotion to your surroundings: anger, happiness. 

You might have hear this before, but it is 100% true. Your brain does not know the difference between something that happened, and something that you imagined. He doesn't know if what you are thinking in your mind actually happened, or it is all just a fruit of your imagination. So, whichever thought you are giving to it, that is the one that he is going to believe. 

You see how important it is what you keep thinking? If you think something over and over again, it will go into your reptilian brain, and transform into habit. Into a pattern. 

If when a friend gives you a good news for them, you start smiling, try to gather all the happiness you have and genuinely congratulate them, and not let any other thought stop you, you can transform that into a habit. Every time someone shares a great news about them, think that that could be you. And because they did it, it is pure evidence that you can too. And be happy with all your heart that they did it, cause that means you can too, and you will too. Believe that in you. And smile. And tell them how happy you are for them, for their success. 

If you will consciously do this every time you hear a good news, you will end up created the pattern for this in your reptilian brain, and you will see that as soon as you will hear a great news about someone, you will really feel real joy for them. Not faked, not forced, but real joy that comes from within you. 

It won't happen over night, I'm not going to lie you here. But it won't take forever either. You will know when it worked because you will feel the joy came without you even realizing it. And that means a new pattern was created. 

How is that helping you? First of all you won't get those bad thought of how everyone else is making it and you're not. It will make you feel happier and feel like you are having a better day, and that will attract even more good things towards you. And it will make you go forward, because your brain will associate their success with your ability to succeed as well, so that will motivate you and give you the power to keep going. 

You see how many beautiful things come out of it for you, when you are happy for someone else? 😊 That is something worth working towards creating that genuine happiness for some else's success.

Photo credit: Rudy and Peter Skitterians from Pixabay

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When Your Mind Isn't Well ... Nothing Is -- Get It Back

 

I don't think I fully understood the importance of "peace of mind" until I lost it. Until I found myself literally on the floor, crying so hard that I was out of breath, begging God to help me, and not seeing a way out of my situation. 

Those were the hardest moments of my life, and it still gives me anxiety thinking and talking about it. 

In just a few months my life changed drastically, going from bad, to worst, to finding some sort of balance and then to falling even deeper than before. I was in a place where I did not think I will get out of. I felt like I had so many options, so many ways I could have chosen, and then, in a couple of days I found myself without any of them. 

Covid added a lot to that situation, and I know many people had a really hard time, and lost a lot during that period.

I don't want to complain about it, because going through it I didn't just loose some options, but I've gained some new ones that I think put me on the right track. But I had to fight a lot through it. Mentally. That's the hardest part. I had so many negative, bad an unsettling thought that I could not stop, and that got me in a place so bad I can't even tell you about it. 

I used to think the mental health is a given, and that the ones who lose it are just a really small number, and usually they come into this world like this. I never knew depression and bad thoughts can get you that low. Not seeing a way out. feeling stuck. Feeling lost. Feeling like you failed, because you don't have the right job, you don't have the family you're supposed to have by that age, you don't know how to get back and regain your motivation. And day by day you go in deeper and deeper, and it's harder and harder to pull yourself out. 

I would walk on the street or be in the middle of the mall and I was getting so overwhelmed that I would instantly start crying. Not having a specific reason, meaning that there wasn't anything that happened to me in that exact moment. I was just feeling so much pressure from it all.

I have struggled a lot in my life with the feeling that I am not normal, that everyone has it together and knows exactly what they have to do, where they're coming from and where they're headed, they are confident, balanced, and so well put together, and I was the freak that didn't fit in. I have learned now that NO ONE has it together. No one. Read that again. No one has it together. Yes, they might be having good days where their confidence levels go up, where things seem to flow for them and they look and feel like they are stepping on clouds. But so are you. You also have those days. But most of the times, everyone is just fighting to keep out the bad thought, and to survive. 

After being through those moments of hopelessness and helplessness, I know my mental health, my Peace of Mind is what makes me go on every day, and do things, and just exist. 

I have meditated, read psychological books, went to therapy, followed everything and everyone that was talking about depression and how to get out of. I fought a lot. I smiled a lot while tears were falling down my face, to trick my brain that I am happy. I induced my happiness by putting on happy music and dance on it. By repeating myself "I am fine, I am safe" until I started really letting those words in my head and feel them. I looked at everything I had in my life and made a list with all I have every time I was slipping back into it. I listened to Bob Proctor, Gabrielle Bernstein, Dr. Joe Dispenza, Amy Sikarskie, and many, many more, and meditations from them. I tried everything. 

I managed to get back. I'm not 100% healed (no one is), but I am back. It is an every day step towards getting better and staying that way. I did learn that changing what thoughts you let in, affects your mind, mood and health.

I have also learned that you can do anything and everything, but unless you try to stop the negative thought, and fight to keep them out, replace them with something else, something of your choice, it's really hard to win. 

Remember the best memories you have. Go where you most feel comfortable. Move your body even when you feel like crawling on the floor crying. Do something. Move! Move, move, move. I can't stretch this enough. Keep moving. Go for walks. Wash dishes. Fold clothes. Dance. Do sport exercises inside your house. No matter how easy or intense. But move your body, to start moving your energy and changing it. 

Then choose to be happy. Because you can. Not because you have to, but because you can. If you were once happy, you can be happy again. 

Choose what thoughts you let in. Because it is your mind. Your house. No one can enter or stay in your house if you don't want them there. Imagine yourself being bigger than the thought in your mind, and telling it firm and clear to leave. Show it the door. And close it behind it. It is YOUR "house", YOUR rules. 

Play funny videos on YouTube. I've watched so many dogs and cats that I feel like I own some myself :) 

Change your support system. If they don't support you, if you don't feel good or comfortable around them, don't be afraid to set boundaries, create limits and leave out anyone who makes you vibe in a bad way. You need to protect your mind. As selfish as that might sound, it really isn't. If they don't understand that you need that peace and they cross your fence, you should not bend your mental comfort for them. 

You do have the power. You are much more powerful than you think.

Make a list with what you want to do the next day. Stay realistic. Don't put 1000 things on the list when your mental power gives you enough to deal with one thing. Put that one thing in, and add another one with "maybe". The "maybe", really is a maybe. Is not a must. Is not an "I'm failing if I don't". If you can do that "maybe" as well, that's great. If you can't, just look at you actually doing that one thing you set yourself to do for the day. You did it. That's amazing. Be proud of yourself. You did it. You really did. And I hope from the bottom of my heart you realize how important and amazing it is that you did that :) 

Do you. Care about you. Put yourself first. No one else is supposed to put you first, because they need to put themselves first. Gain back your mental health. Your peace of mind is the most important thing. If you have that, you can do anything you want to. 

You can. Because I know you can :)

Photo credit: Michael Schwarzenberger from Pixabay

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Let's Talk About Fear

 

 

Fear is such an interesting thing. Most of the times fear isn't even real. Fear is there as a defense mechanism to keep us alive, to prevent us from doing things that will kill us. But most of our fears are induced by our minds. They are not real.

We fear an exam, but that is not going to kill us. We fear asking someone out, and I haven't sen someone dying because they asked someone out. We fear talking in front of other people, and can you believe this is the biggest fear of humanity? It's even greater than the fear of dying, which by dying it literally means the end of life how we know it. Do you realize how nuts that sound? 

This is the proof that fear, in most of the cases, is just a product of our minds, it is not real. Let me say that again. In most cases fear IS NOT REAL. 

We fear losing what we have. That scares the bedazzle of people like nothing else. We sink our teeth into a bad situation we are in, fearing to try something that could be a thousand times better for us, just because we fear that we might lose what we have, what we know. Good or bad, a situation you got used to is a situation that calms you down, because it's familiar, you've been through it, you know how to approach it. 

We fear comfort, and this is what some call fear of losing money. But you're not actually afraid of losing the money you have, you fear losing the comfort they bring. That's the real fear. Cause people who live on the streets don't have money, or they barely have enough to live from each day, but they are still alive. But losing the comfort that money brings, that's the fear.

Another great fear is the fear of the unknown. That's a killer right there. Every time a new thing starts, a new adventure, a new road we need to take in life, a new job, a new school, a new anything, we get so afraid of it. It is like even our bodies reject that to such a degree that we might start feeling physically ill. 

Why? Because our mind thinks we are in danger, and it needs to protect us. Because we don't know what to expect, how it will be, will it be better or worst, will it work or not? And that is scary. Not knowing what is coming?! Of course it's going to scare us, and we will find all the reasons in the world not to do it. 

Like Dr. Joe Dispenza, who's teaching and ideas I love so much says, our mind is getting us back to what it knows. Even if we are looking for something better for ourselves, we are close to achieving it, we want it with all our hearts, our mind will try to stop us by instilling fear and looking for reasons not to do it. 

The people who will have the more difficulties are the ones suffering from any mental illness. And that is just the truth, I'm not trying to find another thing for people to try and protect the ones suffering from any form of mental illness. The ones with anxiety, depression, sclerosis, panic attacks, and so on, they are already fighting battles every day, this is just one more thing they need to conquer. 

But the only way to it, is through it. There is no other way. 

And did you ever think that it might be an easy road? There is absolutely no one on the face of this Earth who could 100% say that the road will be difficult. No one! You can begin and then realize this is actually so easy to do. The hard part is starting. Gathering your mind together and taking that first step is what you are actually fearing. 

Think of it this way: you will do your best. Because that is all you can do. Your best. Anything past that is not up to you. It's God, faith, if it's meant to be or not, if it is for you or not, helping you or not. It's not you anymore. I wish I could tell you about a magic pill, or a certain something that you could do and make it easier, but there isn't anything else but actually doing it. 

Have you noticed how everything you ever did for the first time was super scary at first? Do you remember how you were and how you felt? But do you remember how you were and how you felt after you got the hang of it? You knew what you had to do, you could have done it blind folded now, and you were so confident, and it seemed sooo easy. Super easy. 

And you might say now, "well, yes, but that was easy." Exactly. It was easy. Super easy. But do you remember that once you faced this and thought it will be the hardest thing you had to do? Before you actually started and saw it wasn't that hard? Or that once you learn how to do it, that it will be so easy afterwards. 

Just start. That's the best advice I could ever possibly give you. I have been through a lot in my life, and this blog is here to help you, to make it easier for you. I don't want you to suffer and feel as lost as I did. Use what I'm giving you here, if this resonates with you, cause everything I share is out of love. For me to ease my soul, and for you to find a light in the dark, a hand to help you and guide you. 

I wish you lots of happiness, and just start. You can do it! 💛

 Photo credit: Klaus Juergen Zweigle from Pixabay

 

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Jealousy and Envy

 

 

As hard as it might be to believe, jealousy and envy are normal, to some extent. I am sure that you had that feeling when someone told you their success story, or achievement, or that great news they had for themselves, and you had that moment of "why not me?" "I want that too!" ... and some might even go further to "they didn't even worked that much for it". 

What if I told you that these feelings are normal? You're surprised? I guess you are. Why you're surprised? Because every one taught you that you are supposed to be happy for the other person, and that you are a bitter, mean person if you're not. I think that' a bit harsh, and I will explain why.

You have been struggling for years, working for something so hard that you barely have time for yourself. you lost nights, you gave up things you loved, because you wanted to achieve something. But you haven't by now, and a friend comes and say something like "I had a project that brought me $100 000", or "I managed to buy a house", "I made my own business and earned X amount in my first month", and you have that second where you think "why not me?" 

You get over it, cause they start telling you how much they worked for it, how hard it was, how many sleepless nights they had, and how they almost lost everything for it: marriage, money, friends. And you understand they struggled too, and you start being happy for them. Really happy. Even if you still have that thought in the back of the head of "I want to succeed as well". 

There are two things you are also feeling now. One is burnout and feeling down, and one is a feeling of hope. You feel that if they could do it, if that person that you know so well made it, you know there is hope for you too. You also worked hard, you put in the same effort, you deserve it too. So you feel pumped to keep on moving. And if you don't, it's because the other feeling is taking over you, and you have to kick that feeling so far that it doesn't reach you anymore. Cause if it was possible for them, it's possible for you too.

I've heard over and over that being genuinely happy for someone else's success, calls success to you as well. A bunch of baloney right? Well, not quite. But this is something that you have to teach your mind. Of course it's normal to have those first feelings of "why not me?", but after you spot them, bring in mind that they struggled hard too, and you would love for your friend to be happy for you too. And use that thing that you're feeling to turn it into "it's possible for me too". Don't give up. 

The Universe loves the stubborn ones - I read that somewhere. So be stubborn, and keep going at it. You'll make it. You will get there. You will be one of the ones who tells their success stories. You can. You definitely can. Keep going. And when you feel like you can't anymore, take a short break, and then try again. You can do it!

Photo credit: LoggaWiggler from Pixabay

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Love Shouldn't Be That Hard

 

 Someone told me this. That you fight for a relationship, or you fight in a relationship, and you struggle so much to make it work, and at some point you break up, and after a while you find someone that you click with so well, and everything flows so easy and naturally, and you realize, this is how things are suppose to be. It shouldn't be a continuous struggle. 

It won't be perfect, you'd still have moments when you will fight, or disagree, or just have different ideas on how to approach something, but that's normal. that's a normal relationship. But you will feel like it is right. You will feel at home next to that person. And everything you do together will grow so beautifully, because you support, and love and understand each other, and you realize that love shouldn't be that hard. 

Love is not a war. It's not about who's right and who's wrong. It's not about who's winning. There should be no such thing in love. And if it is, than I don't think that's love. Unless this is how you truly are, and this is what makes you you, and having this back and forth all the time is how you show your passion for one another, and how you fell love, than that is your kind of love. But love is usually a nice feeling of peace, and passion, and home, all at once. 

Have you ever experienced that? That kind of love where being next to your someone brings you peace? Where you still look at them with the same desire years after you met? Did you ever feel that? How was it?

Photo credit: Pixabay

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How to Have a GREAT Relationship

There are so many ways that love can be expressed. It is in the way someone touches your hand, in the way they look at you, how they protect you from something, or they ask how your days was, if you ate, why you're sad? Love is in the intimate moments you have together, and in the holding of the hand. Love is in the argument you leave because you are too angry to carry one and you know that staying will make you say something you might regret later. 

Love comes in so many ways. And all these are love. But you can't have a relationship without some of them. A relationship without communication is quiet. One without the touching and the intimacy is sad. A relationship where you can't speak your mind makes you feel not understood, or like a prisoner. 

You need all these to make a good relationship. And you see I say "good", because perfect relationships don't exist. And by perfect I mean that fantasy relationship that you think everyone else is having but you, where they don't fight, they always communicate well, they support each other through everything, they have amazing intimate moments, they always want the same things, they are always on the same wavelength, they are just two people who always smile and have fun when they are together. That doesn't exist. 

I'm not being mean or trying to ruin the idea of a great relationship, I'm just saying the truth. 

You will have an argument once in a while, you will feel misunderstood sometimes, you will feel sad, or miss the other person's touch sometimes. But as long as it is just sometimes and not all the time, than that is a normal beautiful relationship. As long as you take time and reflect on what the other person said and you come back and either sustain your point of view with arguments, or admit the other person is right, then you have a good relationship, and you should enjoy it. 

Remember that there are more sides to a relationship, and people need different things to feel that they are loved. Some need to communicate, other need to feel the other person's touch, others are responsive to an intimate life, others need compliments ... we are all different, and we all respond to different things, but as long as we try to listen to what the other person needs, and give it to them, and they will give the same back, we can have a beautiful, loving relationship. 

Watch your partner, they will tell you how they are without you even asking. If they need touch, they will constantly look for ways to touch you. When you speak, when you walk, when they sit next to you at a party, they will try to put one hand on you and touch you. That means this is what they need to feel love from you. It is as simple as that. If you do the same back, that will translate to them as Love. 

So simple right? Yes. It is. Because love isn't that complicated. It's just feelings and reciprocity. We're making it harder and complicated. If you love them, show them. If you don't, find someone that you do, and show them. It will come naturally.

Photo credit: Pixabay

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