Love is Not Linear

Love is not linear. And it's not supposed to be. Love has ups and down, good days and bad days. You fight now, you make up later. There's an actor talking about how his therapist told him that he shouldn't want his life to be the same all the time, even if that means only good moments. Because that is like having a flat line in an EKG. And that would mean that you're actually dead. But, the line in an EKG moves up and down, it's never flat. 

People always look for that constant in the relationship. They want everything to go so well and so wonderful, to never fight at all, have no disagreement about anything, and just be in a happy and blissful state all the time. But, tell me honestly, wouldn't that be the most boring thing you could ever experience in your life? What kind of love is that? What kind of life? If all you do is constantly be in a state where nothing ever goes anything other than good? 

The objective is not to never fight or to never have a disagreement. The objective is to learn how to deal with that when it happens. Don't be afraid to have bad days or problems, but just know that the problem is the problem, and not the other person. You are trying to find a solution to the problem, not to find someone to blame for it. 

It is ok to fight from time to time. It shouldn't be all the time, of course. In this case the relationship is obviously not working. But fighting from time to time, or disagreeing, you learn things about each other. You learn where the other persons' limit is and not to cross it. What is acceptable and what not. 

Love isn't just rainbows and sunshine all the time. It's all the wonderful, imperfect moments in between where you discover each other, and you learn how to treat each other. Love isn't perfect. And that's ok, because we're not perfect either, so love is not meant to be perfect. You don't want a flat line. You want ups and downs, and adventure. You want a chance to see that it is filled with beauty even if it's not perfect all the time.

Thank you to everyone who made a donation, and to all the ones who are making donations. You are helping me carry on and give back what I've learned. Thank you 🧡

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There is No Perfect Partner

There is no perfect partner. Everyone fantasizes of this perfect partner where they are just everything you could possibly imagine right in a relationship - by your standards. You put in them everything you've gathered up in all the romantic movies and expect that. 

Movies are great, and they are a really beautiful model for love, but people tend to not notice or remember the struggles that the characters are going through before getting to that moment when they realize that they love each other deeply. And, in movies, they accept each other as they are. They talk about the quirkiness that the other person has as if they are talking about some amazing quality in them. Because it is a quality. It is what they love in that person, and that quirkiness is never about something perfect, but about something imperfect that they do.

We pray to find someone so perfect, someone that will accept us as we are, with everything that we are and have. And, yet, we want them to be perfect. We think of ways they could be and think "I don't want that in them", "I don't want them to be this or that, like this or like that". But, why? We want them to accept us and love us as we are. 

I know it's not easy. It's not. We want someone perfect. But, maybe when we pray for someone to accept us and love us as we are, we should also pray for us to be able to accept them and love them as they are. For both of us to give each other the space and acceptance to not be perfect, to have problems, and to work on those problems, together or individually. To pray for someone who says "I know I'm like that, but I'm working on changing that" rather than someone who says "that's just how I am". 

I pray for someone who accepts me and loves me with all my quirkiness and imperfections, with all the faults and all the beautiful things I see and find in myself. And I pray for me to accept and love them with all their quirkiness and imperfections, with all the faults and beautiful things that they see and find in themselves. I pray that when we have a problem, we work through it, and that we love each other and do the right thing for one another even when we are mad at each other. Because if you are mad at me, but you still kill that spider because you know I fear it, I will love you so much, because I'll know that you are mad because of the situation, but you still love me. 

Don't strive for perfection. We are not perfect either. No one is. And we all want the same thing. We want someone to love us just as we are, and to allow us a safe space to be ourselves. Pray so that you both offer one other that love and acceptance and safe place.

 

Thank you to everyone who made a donation, and to all the ones who are making donations. You are helping me carry on and give back what I've learned. Thank you 🧡

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Social Media is Not the Reality!

 

Needless to say it, that social media is not the reality. But, yet, we tend to find ourselves trapped int he illusion that it is. We forget that we might be doing it too: smiling for the camera when we are sad, pretend to be happy when we are suffering, acting rich when broke, and so on. And even if we do it too, and we know it's not how we really feel in that moment, we forget all logic when we see a post from someone who seem to be living their best life. We look at them and they seem to have it all together, all figured it out, while we can't seem to find our way in the world. 

It's not true. It's not the reality. We know it! We should stop suffering and putting pressure on ourselves to be this perfect human being. No one is. No one.Someone told me once that if we would be perfect, we would be up in Heaven, being an angel. While we're here on Earth, we're not perfect-perfect. We're well and not so well, we have good days and bad days, we have days when we're so happy that our hearts bursts with joy and we feel like we're flying, and we have days that we feel so down that it feels like there's no where lower we can go. We have messy moments, and put-together moments. We are brave and we are scared. We love and we fall out of love. We are kind and we are mean. We feel like conquering the world, and we feel as lazy as can be. We are all that. We are never just one thing. We are humans. And aren't we beautiful? 

Don't we look back over time in awe of how wonderful we were in those imperfect moments, and how everything worked out so beautifully? We rarely look at our moments when we were "perfect" and laugh or smile. We usually do that when we think about the moments when we messed up and yet everything turned out amazing. 

I see the word "perfect" as something different now. We are perfect just as we are, because if everyone on this Earth is imperfect, in this case, being imperfect means that we are actually perfect. We are just like everyone else, but each with their own struggles, challenges and way of seeing life and acting upon it. 

So you are perfect! :) 

Thank you to everyone who made a donation, and to all the ones who are making donations. You are helping me carry on and give back what I've learned. Thank you 🧡

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You Don't Owe It To Anyone!

 

I can not stress this enough: you do not owe anyone anything! Not your ancestors, not your parents, not your family, not your future children ... to no one! Everything you do, you do for yourself! That's it! That's all! There is no one else but you and who you want to be. 

I am seeing every day posts like "you owe it to your ancestors", "you owe it to your children", you owe it to that person, and that person. You do not owe anyone anything, and I would really like this pressure of owing something to someone be taken away from people. Don't you go through enough? Isn't it as hard as it is to keep going and heal and make yourself better, trying to be happier and understand life better? Isn't that enough? Why would you add more pressure saying that you owe something to someone else?

If you are not happy with how your life is, where you are, how you move, what you do ... than change! Do that for you, because you want better and you are the only person in this world that can give that to yourself. If you are not disciplined, there's not someone from outside that can come and give you that. You decide that you had enough and that you want to change. You don't want to wake up every day in the same situation. Day, after day, after day. And so, you change. Because you want something different and you know that if you want different results, it takes different actions. If you've always done the same thing and you got the same results, it's obvious for you that you have to move differently to get different. 

That's it! That is all, sweet, wonderful you! 

You do not change for your ancestors. They want you to be happy, for you! Your children will be happy if they see you happy. If you come home every day and they see you smiling, they feel you at peace, and they learn that you can have a bad day, bad emotions, be sad, fall down, fail, but that you try to make it better, and that is what they learn, that is what they take with them in life, growing up, the attitude and the perspective over life that they see in you, their parents. But you don't owe them the change, you do it for yourself, because you want to be happy and to not let things break you when they happen, but to get to the point where you feel sadness, but you come out of it faster. And who wouldn't want to feel better faster? 

So, don't put any more pressure on yourself. Make changes for you, because you want different! And be happy. You deserve to be happy.

Thank you to everyone who made a donation, and to all the ones who are making donations. You are helping me carry on and give back what I've learned. Thank you 🧡

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You Can't Heal Everyone!

 

 

We're  not here to heal everyone. We can't even do that to be honest. We are here to learn, to grow and to do better next time. And I know this sounds cliche and maybe a little annoying as well, especially when you're going through a though time and all you hear is how you're suppose to see the good in every situation and the lesson, but it is like that in a way.

We do suffer, and we have the right to suffer. And not only the right, but the only way to process what happened and learn from it is by going through it and feeling it. 

But, coming back to what we were talking about, we tend to believe that we can heal everyone, and the truth is that we can't. There are teachers sent into this world to heal through various methods like doctors, and homeopaths, spiritual guiders, priests, preachers, or to heal by word, through art, or on an individual level when you tell someone your problems and they give you a great advice, or a shoulder to cry on and you feel at peace afterwards. 

Even teachers who heal collectively can't heal everyone. Because people find that specific teacher when he's ready to listen. Have you noticed how you can tell someone a solution to their problem and they just don't see it, and they fight you saying it's not possible, and then one day they just do what you've always said and the problem goes away. And they are amazed how come you never suggested that before, and you're surprised? That is because they genuinely didn't hear you before. They weren't seeing it. It made no sense to them because they weren't ready for it. 

The same happens with people like me who write on blogs and on social media teaching people how to process things and move through them easier, or how to understand different points of view, or what certain things mean and explain it to them. We are putting it out there and when a certain person is ready for that knowledge, they see it in a whole different light and it makes total sense to them, even if they've read that before tens of times.

You can listen to a guide telling you about the laws and how they work and it sounds like gibberish to you. They make no sense. Yet you see people in the comment section saying "oh, yes! thank you! you're so right!" and you're thinking "what are they talking about? this message made no sense!". Actually it did, you just weren't there yet. You weren't ready to understand it.

This is why you can't heal everyone, especially on an individual level. Because people hear it when they are ready to hear it. 

I have spent years thinking that I'm not normal, that I'm different, and a freak. And then one day everything just clicked. After years of searching, reading, questioning, soul searching, getting closer and closer to God, connecting with the universe, connecting all the information, I started to understand it differently, to see it differently. But I was ready for it. 

It's in us to try to heal people, to share the knowledge we have to help others, and that is such a beautiful gift and desire to have, but don't take it personally when people aren't hearing you. It's just not their time yet. It will click in them at some point. And if it doesn't, then that's their road in life and that is a whole other discussion.

Thank you to everyone who made a donation, and to all the ones who are making donations. You are helping me carry on and give back what I've learned. Thank you 🧡

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Nobody Owes You Anything!

 

 

Nobody owes you anything! And the fastest you learn that, the fastest you stop having false expectations from people and feeling hurt when they don't deliver.

I keep seeing posts saying that people don't have your soul, they are not as good as you, they don't reciprocate your goodness, and that is not 100% true. People are people, just as you are. Do you help every single person that is or comes into your life? You don't!

Maybe some even helped you at some point, but they might ask something from you that you can't deliver, or you are really in a situation where you can't help them with what they need. Does that make you a bad person? It does in their eyes, because from their point of view, they helped you, and now you're turning your back to them. So you are the ungrateful, bad person.

But you're not like that. You just can't help them now, or with that specific problem. This doesn't make you a bad person.

Plus that you can help someone every day of their life, and if one time you just can't do it, they will remember and remind you about that one time, forgetting all about the 3276 times you did help them. This is how people are. And it's not because people are bad, but because people are wired to see the negative, so we can stay alive.

The best explanation for why people see the negative is with the cave, back in history when people were living in caves and no one was waking up calm and relaxed thinking they'll go and watch the sunshine, but rather they would wake up thinking about the dangers that could be lurking: snakes, pray animals, rocks falling down, not finding food, and so on. 

So, when you help someone, but they can't help you back,maybe take a moment to show them some understanding as well, because maybe they genuinely can't help you with that specific thing, but they might help you with something else in the future.

If that person never helps you with anything, then yes, maybe you should start thinking that they are just a taker and never a giver, and you should look for other friends. But if they do help you when they can and with what is possible for them, maybe we can stop expecting them to be this perfect support 100% of the time. Just like you, people have their own lives too. They have problems, bad days, dreams they are chasing, lives they are trying to live. Let's be a bit more understanding.

Again, if that person is never available, them maybe consider going towards other real friends, but if they help when they can and with what they can, then let's just give people a break from this idea that they have to be perfect and supporting us 100% of the time.

Thank you to everyone who made a donation, and to all the ones who are making donations. You are helping me carry on and give back what I've learned. Thank you 🧡

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How To Enjoy The Process

 

Sometimes is hard to enjoy the process. We tend to live in the future and see ourselves where we want to be and what we want to have, and when we don’t have that in our current reality, we get depressed. 

So many motivational speakers and posts on Social Media tell you to enjoy the process, the moment you’re in, and all you’re thinking about is how on earth can you enjoy where you’re at when you’re not even close to where you want to be? Or so it seems. Because you are so involved in what you want to get and where you want to be, that what you have now, and where you are now, only make you angry. 

But, take a moment. Just take a moment and look where you are and what you have. Really look. Not to judge, but just to see, to observe. Now think where you were two years ago and what you were wishing for back then. Do you have any of that now? If you don’t, then maybe you need to put aside the anger and judgement and just work on your discipline to get what you want. Get tired of your own BS and change. 

But, if you have the things you dreamed of two years ago, then you have been moving. You might not be where you want to be, but you’re not where you used to be either. And that should make you proud of yourself! 

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t want more or new achievements, but if you don’t enjoy what you’ve done so far, you’ll never enjoy where you get no matter how far you go. No achievement will make you happy. 

Enjoying the process doesn’t mean that you settle, or that you give up, it only means that you realize how far you’ve gone, you realize that you made things you’ve dreamed of making. You don’t stop, you move on grateful for what you have accomplished.

Where you want to be is a destination. That only lasts for a second, then you move on unto something new that you will desire. That is not the journey. And you should enjoy the journey because who you are today, the strength you have, the intellectual you’ve developed, the person you’ve grown into, all that came through taking the journey. You are who you are due to every step you took along the way. That is why you should enjoy the journey.

Thank you to everyone who made a donation, and to all the ones who are making donations. You are helping me carry on and give back what I've learned. Thank you 🧡

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The Only Way To Change

 

 

There is only one way that someone changes their behavior and traits, and that is if they want it so bad. No change done for someone else will ever last. When you get tired of living the same life, being unhappy, feeling miserable and sad all the time, and you feel that staying in that same situation will kill you, that is when you can change and will change.

I know people who gave up smoking, substance abuse, drinking, and a lot of other addictions, for someone else, for their spouse, lover, child, parents, and so on. The success rate is really low. That is because when you are doing it for someone else, it is not your choice. You're not doing that because you had enough of it, you are doing it because you feel pressured into it: if I don't do it, they will leave me, not love me, they will be disappointed, and so on. So, this only means that on top of the reason of why you're having that addiction, you're adding the stress of having to give it up in order to be loved, accepted, wanted. And that is why chances are that it can end up in fail. 

But when you can't take anymore how your life is, when you feel like waking up to the same disappointments, and lack of discipline, and the same chain of events every single day leave you breathless, that is when you change, and it lasts. Because the fear of  staying stuck in the same unhappiness every single moment of every single day becomes grater than the fear of moving and trying something new. 

We don't want to change. People's brain is designed to seek comfort. That is why you procrastinate as well, because you anticipate that it will take you out of your comfort zone, so your brain and body is fighting you on acting. But when the fear of living the same unbearable life every day is grater than the fear of moving, that is when you don't care anymore. Because in both situations, your brain fears death. Leaving your comfort zone is death in a way, it is the death of comfort. But when staying in the same situation means death, then there's nothing to lose by taking action. On the contrary, there is actually a chance you will feel alive again.

 

 

Thank you to everyone who made a donation, and to all the ones who are making donations. You are helping me carry on and give back what I've learned. Thank you 🧡

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