Are You Alone On Holidays?

The holidays can be so hard on people. You have so many people come together, each with its own set of values, and beliefs and behavior. They all want something, and most of the time they put others first, getting frustrated and angry and lashing out on others because they are tired and unhappy. 

When you are also alone during the holidays, it really sucks. There's no better way of putting it. It just sucks. Just like Cher told Oprah in an interview where she was there with Tina Turner, and Oprah was celebrating them for being in their 60's, and Cher said it sucks to get old. And she's was right. If that is how she was feeling, then that were her feelings and they needed to be validated. Maybe she doesn't feel like that all the time, but she did in that moment.

Anyway ... I'm digressing :) 

Being alone during holidays can be hard. But, please, please know that you are not alone. You have people around you that love you so much that you can't even imagine the size of their love for you. The reason you're not "seeing" it, is because you want love from someone else maybe. But that will come too. It will. 

You might want to reach a certain status professionally, and you feel like there's no time left, and time flies by and a new year is starting. But, you still have time to be anything that you want to be. Morgan Freeman made it in his 50's, Samuel L. Jackson the same, J. K Rowling the author of Harry Potter was well over 30, and she had a really rocky road until she got there, really hard. Vera Wang designed her first dress when she was in her 40's. I am sure you might have read these things before, and they seem annoying when you are struggling to make it, but they are real. Success happens every day, at any age. All the time. You can be anything you want to be!

To feel better during holidays keep yourself in the moment. Think of some things you already have and that you are grateful for. Maybe having a roof over your head seems like a giving, but wouldn't it be even harder if you wouldn't have that? If you wouldn't have money to pay for food, or water to take a bath, or just drink? You have that now, and that is something really big to be grateful for.

Maybe you woke up without feeling pain in some part of your body. Maybe you feel better mentally then you were yesterday - this is big! Be happy for that.

Is there anything you are happy it happened? Maybe you managed to clean the house - or just a room - in time. Or, you didn't eat junk food for a whole day. These are things that you can be proud and happy about. You did that. celebrate that and just give yourself time. 

And when you are together with everyone, and they all start to ask you questions you don't want to answer, or talk about things that you don't want to be a part of, just set boundaries. They are healthy and necessary, and they don't make you selfish, they make you sane and at peace. Install them with grace and smiling. Refrain from participating in the discussion, and if they insist, just say that you do not have an opinion about it yet. That will keep them busy for a while, and when you don't engage, they will look for others who do. 

If they still insist, then tell them that you are happy that they have an interest into that, but this is not a subject you would like to discuss, or that interest you. If it is a question about you, your job, your love life, then just say that you don't want to talk about it right now and you want to see what happens next. That can mean that either you have a good job/relationship or that you are about to get one. Either way, it's keeping them away from your business. 

Make it about you. Be kind and nice, because we never know what the other person is going through, but be kind and nice with yourself as well. If something isn't settling good with you, then don't force yourself to accept it by putting others before your needs. 

Try to get some good friends around you and celebrate the holidays with them. Have around you the people you really want around you. The holidays will pass, and the feelings you're feeling right now, of loneliness and sadness, they will pass too, and life will get back to the normal you know. 

Everything will be OK! And you are OK!

Thank you to everyone who made a donation, and to all the ones who are making donations. You are helping me carry on and give back what I've learned. Thank you 🧡

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Are We Living In a Cage?

 

 "My cage is bigger than yours, but it's still a cage!" - I remember the line from a movie from 1998. A beautiful movie about love and choices, the ones you are allowed to make and the ones you are forced to accept.

It made me think. I've always had that line in the back of my head, as I've found it to be true sometimes. 

Isn't this how it is sometimes? We have choices, but we feel forced to accept some of them. Not the ones we would have loved to make. 

We feel we have the freedom to choose, and yet, we're sometimes limited and freedom of choice seems more like an illusion. 

Is it all an illusion? Are we really free? Do we truly choose? 

We live in unhappy situations, through space and time, because we feel we have no other choice. But, do we really don't have a choice? Or the choice we have, the one we know we should take, just scare us to death?

Isn't us choosing to stay, a choice? 

"No choice is a choice". I read that somewhere too. Isn't that how it really is? 

But, let's say someone knows what decision they should make. And they want to make that decision. They really do. But they are scared of what if things won't fall into place as they haven't in the past? What then, right? 

You can't go back. You can't go forward. So, what now? 

I used to think that everything is a choice. Now I thought I found that situation where there is no choice, and you have to accept it. 

But, is there really no choice, or is it not the one we want? 

I think there are a few rare situations when we don't see a choice. 

God will help us.

Photo credit: Pixabay

Thank you to everyone who made a donation, and to all the ones who are making donations. You are helping me carry on and give back what I've learned. Thank you 🧡

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When "I'm Sorry" Is Not Enough

 

 

What do you do? When the one that hurts you so much that you feel like you're broken into a thousand little pieces, comes to you and says "I am sorry". Smiling with the innocence of a child. 

When that person that said they love you, treat you like you wouldn't treat a beast. Screams at you, reacts as if you're there to destroy their peace, when all you're trying to do is help, they react like an animal in a cage and you feel thorn with every word that comes screaming out of their mouth.

They scream so loud and react so bad that you remember when you were a kid and the ratio of the aggressor was as big as it was today. They were big and strong, looking mighty, and you were a child,trying to get small to get out of the way, not understanding what you did to cause this. This reaction from them. So much negative coming from them. 

And you look the same now as you did then. Just not understanding what cause their reaction. You were just standing there. Not moving, not talking, not doing anything. Just standing. And their wrath came tumbling down like you would have tried to ruin their day. But you were just standing there. Just standing there. 

So you leave. Hurt. Broken. Felling small. Not even fighting back. You're not even mad, you're just numbed. And you're thinking, is this enough? When is it going to be enough? 

To all of you being in that situation and wondering "Is there something better out there?". Yes. There is. 

"Is it going to be hard to get it?". I don't know. Everyone's road is different. 

"Will it be worth it?". I haven't heard anyone say it wasn't. 

"Am I gonna get it?". I have no idea how far you are willing to go. 

"Should I do it?". Only you know the answer to that.

"Should I stay?". Do you want to? 

"I am scared.". We all are. No matter what you choose. Stay, don't stay. We are all scared. But I can tell you that you are not alone!

Find comfort in knowing that YOU are NOT alone. Even if you don't see everyone. Even if most are pretending to have it together, and all figured out. They don't. They just push through like you do. That's all they do.

Photo credit: Pixabay

Thank you to everyone who made a donation, and to all the ones who are making donations. You are helping me carry on and give back what I've learned. Thank you 🧡

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Happiness Can Make Your Heart Feel Heavy

 

Crazy, right? You're happy, why would you feel heavy?

No one wants to have bad days, to go through bad experiences. You avoid feeling sad or crying as much as you can, because those are sad emotions that you feel as something heavy in your body. So it's normal to not want them. 

But what if I told you that happiness can also be a heavy emotion that can make you sick? And it actually can. Happiness can feel like deep sadness. It sounds crazy. I know. But bear with me for a second.

All the bad experiences that give you emotions of sadness are intense energies that go through your body, pile up there, call all its friends there, and pile up into your tissues. That's when you start feeling heavy, like something is sitting on your chest. Like your heart is being pressed and you can't breath. You feel like something is choking you, almost literally. Or like your stomach it getting tight. All that is from the bad emotions, from the intensity of the energy that goes through your body. And you need to get that out. 

You either go to a therapist and talk it out, or you create art and express it through that. You can go scream into a pillow, or out in the nature, where no one hear you and they can't be scared or take over your emotions. You do a sport that requires a lot of force, like punching a bag, boxing, Tae Bo, something that is asking intense training from you. 

Ok, so these are the bad emotions that you experience and that create all those feeling in your body. But, there are moments when you have nothing stressful or bad going on in your life. You actually have it pretty good, you're experiencing something really happy actually, and then, all of a sudden, you start feeling the same as if going through some bad emotions. Why? Well, if you don't let all that joy out, it acts inside you the same way that sadness acts. It gets stuck in your tissues, and you start feeling heavy and like something is pressing you, when you think you should feel happy, not like you are being squeezed. 

You have to also let the happiness come out. Go run, yell, hit a bag, do something that gets out all that emotion out of your body.

Stuck emotions interfere with the energy flow. It will act like a stopper for energy to go through you, and it will start collecting in the spot where the flow is interrupted. Meditate, drink water, and release that tension by expressing that beautiful intense joy that you are feeling, and re-open the gate so that the energy can flow freely through you again. 

A great way to release that stuck energy is to cry. You are NOT weak for crying. You are actually a strong person who chooses to cry and release tension rather than bite the head of everyone around and create animosities. 

When I am feeling too full with emotions and stuck energy, I start watching videos that make me cry, so I can release that pressure. An advice, don't choose negative videos, where people or animals are hurting in any way, that will only create anger and frustration and block you even more, not to say that you can pick up on that energy, and you want to create flow and bring good one in, not worst one. 

Choose beautiful videos of people or animals that are saved, that went through something and now they are really good, in a really good place. Those will motivate you, inspire you, open up the love path and energy in your body, and you clean yourself up using good stuff this way.

So, yes, happiness can make your heart feel heavy. Choose ways to release that tension and create that flow of energy again. 

Take care of yourself beautiful!

Photo credit: Pixabay

Thank you to everyone who made a donation, and to all the ones who are making donations. You are helping me carry on and give back what I've learned. Thank you 🧡

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How to Heal Rage and Hatred Feelings

 

 

Hating, being angry, feeling full with rage, it's like "Drinking poison and expecting the other one to die". 

The first time I heard this I understood it, but I didn't feel it completely. It made sense to me, because I was understanding how the person going through these emotions was feeling, and how the other person didn't even know about it, just carrying on with their lives, but I didn't fully understand it.

That was until I found myself in a situation where I was feeling attacked by a co-worker. On and on. no matter what I said, it was never right. They were always right, always perfect, always working more, all the rest of us who were saying something, we were the idiots. And we were many "idiots", if you know what I mean. Trying to tell this one person that they were not approaching things right, but with no success. 

People started backing out from conversations with this person, from working with them, just trying to avoid it as much as possible. Since they had to oversee some things, avoiding wasn't always an option. 

But I found myself thinking over and over again to things that they would do, or say to make me (or others) feel bad, feel small, feel like we're mistaking all the time, and my rage was increasing. I tried to picture myself having an open and calm conversation with this person, but somehow my brain was always making them argue with me even in my own imagination. Maybe because I have witnessed them being like this for so long that even my brain couldn't control the thought of them anymore. 

The more I thought about it, the more rage was building up inside me. I was feeling it in my stomach, crawling, twisting, hurting, making me sick. I was feeling it in my throat, tightening like it was choking me from the inside. And that was when it hit me. That was when I realized, this is what the saying means. "Being angry at someone or something, is like drinking poison and expecting the other one to die". 

My body was acting as if something was killing it from the inside. Just like when you're eating or drinking something that it's not good for you, and your body rejects it, trying to protect you, and spill it out. This was exactly what was happening now. I was drinking poison. 

I remember one day when someone called me just to fish for information. We all have that one person who isn't even delicate about it, they just blunt out ask you what they want to know, and then are like "OK, thanks, I'll let you do your thing now, bye!" and hangs up. Not even giving you time to say good bye. 

Well, I had that person call me, I talked to them, I got angry when they ended it so abruptly after finding out the info they wanted, and I could feel the anger building in. I had that one second where I said "NO! I'm not letting you do this again! You won't take my peace!".

I said "This is you, this is how you act. All this emotion here is yours. I give it back to you so you can do whatever you want with it, cause this is not mine, it's yours!" and I was seeing myself giving this person back a bowl of light with their energy. Their, not yours. 

Then I could just feel my body de-tensing and being at peace and relaxed. Such a wonderful feeling :) 

But I was thinking, why are we not doing the same with everyone that upsets us? Why are we not giving back their energies and let them be? It might not work as fast as doing it once, if there is an old story there, but we should try it again and again, until we stop caring. 

In some situations, being indifferent it's a blessing. When we are indifferent, we stop engaging, we stop caring. We don't care if the other person understands us, if they like us, we don't care if they are making mistakes and not listening when you try to help them. Cause you won't try to help them anymore. And those mistakes will show up eventually, and it won't be your fault, it will be theirs. And I'm not seeing this to be mean, but sometimes people only understand when they see they have made a mistake. Otherwise, if they listen to you and things work out well, they will live with the idea that their way would have been even better, but they HAD TO do it your way. They will NEVER give you the credit. 

So, be OK with people making mistakes, with you not helping everyone. Who is meant to hear and listen, will. 

Give them back their energy. Free yourself from them. You do you! You just do you. And fight for your peace, because no one else will!

Photo credit: Pixabay

Thank you to everyone who made a donation, and to all the ones who are making donations. You are helping me carry on and give back what I've learned. Thank you 🧡

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