Noticing the lonely people around me
You never notice how many people are alone on Christmas. You never look at the lonely woman dining alone, at the guy sitting on a bench scrolling through his phone, at the couple who stays one next to each other without saying a word ... You never seem to notice them, because you are too busy living your life, and going through your own drama. But they are real, and they are there, and maybe you could throw them a smile once in a while, if you have a smile to spear.
Going through separation from my husband, going through divorce, made me see these people, because now I am one of those people. I am the girl walking through the stores alone, spending so many hours at the mall, daily, just because the thought of staying locked inside the house is killing me.
I don't have a "real job", how some would call it, a 9 to 5 job, so now that the holidays are here I have so much spear time on my hands that I have no idea how to handle it. So, I go to the mall. Go into stores, try on clothing, and I let time pass. I leave right before it starts to become difficult to get home by bus or tram, before the last ones go to the depot.
Hating the ones having fun
I have neighbors listening to Christmas music, having fun the way they feel it. It gets me angry, so I put my clothes on and I go outside ... always ending up at the mall. I see couples kissing, holding hands, hugging, laughing, playing together ... and they make me angry, and jealous, because they are happy and in love while I am going through divorce at 35.
People laugh around me and they are having fun. They talk laud on the phone, making jokes and looking so happy ... and that makes me so nervous, and upset, and I feel like telling them "stop laughing! what's so freaking funny?"
And then I try to calm myself down, because I realize the thoughts in my head, and I realize what I am feeling and it makes me sad, because this is not me. This was never me. A while ago I was them. I was happy, and laughing, and having someone to hold me, and kiss me, and love me ... I was them ... and probably I was making someone going through the same emotions that I am going through now. Someone who was alone, or lonely, someone who went through a breakup, or who suffered a lost, or has no friends to talk to, and to whom my happiness and "normalness" was annoying. I am sure I seemed to them happier than I probably was in reality.
Accepting the ones who are happy
And I realize that they are happy, and they are celebrating Christmas, and they have the right to be happy and to celebrate Christmas, or Hanukkah, or whatever else they might want to celebrate. Just because my life is a mess and I am going to hell and back shouldn't make the world stop and wait for me to be happy again. So, now I look at them smiling. It's a smile of "I'm sorry ... be happy, you have the right to be happy, and I wish you are happy, and you have a happy, merry Christmas, or Hanukkah, or what ever celebration you want and celebrate" ... and I really mean it. I honestly mean it from the bottom of my heart. And my whole vibration changes. And things start falling into place around me. And I become more peaceful.
Find a good friend
Going through holidays when you are alone, single, unhappy, having problems, after you lost someone, after losing your job, when you don't have money ... or any other problem you might be going through ... it sucks. And I am sorry, but I have no better word to describe this, but the fact that it actually, truly, deeply sucks.
You can't go through this alone. Yes, go to the mall. Yes, stay in places where there are people, and they will engage you to follow their rhythm and flow. Yes, go to a movie and it will help you forget about your situation for a while. But, you can't go through this alone, with no hep at all.
So, find a friend. It can be a relative, or it can actually be a friend. Find the person who will listen to you and your problems without judging, without getting bored, without trying to cut you off with "you'll be fine, you'll get over it in no time". You need someone who will validate your emotions. They are real. They exist. They are happening to you right now.
Find that friend who will stay with you on the phone without saying anything at all. Just both of you minding your own business, while you are on the phone, not saying anything at all, or just talking from time to time. That person's support will help you go through this. Just the fact that there is someone at the other end listening to what you have to say, or who's willing to sit with you in silence, THAT WILL HELP YOU GO THROUGH WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH.
Eat healthy - stay healthy
Or at least try. Bad, processed, fast food and sugary sweets will make you feel your negative emotions even more intense. I can't tell you what's the process and why that happens, but trust me, it does.
You don't have to turn into a caw and chew on salads all day long, but make sure one of your meals per day is healthy. And I mean really healthy, not a salad with heavy sauces. Eat some fruits, they will do you good. Especially if you're closing your day with them.
And move. Don't sit on your cute little behind all day and all night. Get up. Get out. Walk. Dance. Do whatever you like, but just move.
Choose what makes you happy
I know that nothing makes you happy now. Or so you think. But, yet, try to do the things that you feel you will like. Go see a movie, go eat out, buy a piece of cake and eat it there, at the cake shop. Read a book. Go skating. Do whatever you like, and you feel that you can do with little effort from your part, and it will make you feel good.
If something doesn't feel ok to you, then don't do it. No matter what that something is. Even if we are talking about visiting your close relatives, cooking your favorite meal that maybe you once loved doing, but you are in no mood to do it now ... whatever it is that you feel like it might cause you discomfort, don't do it. Choose something else. Choose something that when you think about doing, it brings you peace, and makes you feel relieved.
Everything will pass
I know it doesn't seem like it now, but believe me, everything will pass. You will find happiness again. You will get another job, fall in love again, start a new family, make new money, find new solutions, feel less sad ... they will all work out. No matter what it is, in the end you will be fine. Things have a way of solving themselves. With the help of God, of course. Or what ever force you believe in. Even the ones who don't believe in anything believe in themselves, in their ability to create something themselves. So, believe you can create your own happiness, your new reality, your better life.
You are not alone. I know it seems like you are, like this never ends, like you are the only one going through something, but you're not. There are so many people struggling every day to just make it through the day. There are so many other people who feel as alone as you do. Reach out to them. Look for Facebook support groups, call those numbers where trained people are there to talk to you and offer you some guidance. Just reach to someone, because I tell you, you are not alone in this. You are not the only one feeling like this.
You will be ok. You really will 🙏💗
Photo credit: me
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