So Tired

So tired of so many things.

So tired of people lying, of people faking it, of fake feelings and freezed smiles. So tired of people pretending they care, pretending to be friends. Of them posing into victims and making you look like the villain. Of people asking about you just so they could have something to talk about you to others. Twisting and changing the truth and the stories, telling it like what you did was so outrageous and so out of this world, like they could never do that, even if they did worst.

Of people who ask how you are, just to see you vulnerable and down, and to hit you with your own stories and events, and when you confront them, saying that you are the one who didn't understood them, and they wanted to say something else, and other things, and you are looking like an idiot not understanding why they insist on making it your fault.

I would just like for those people to be confronted with the truth. In front of everyone they lied to, or in front of everybody they've talked someone bad to.

Wouldn't you like to see them caught in their lies, and events, and see how they act then? I would just like to see them realize they made mistakes. But truly realize that. Not just say or feel like it because they were caught, and they try to get out of it, but really feel sorry and regret it. Really realize they've hurt someone. And that it was bad what they did.

Wouldn't that be nice? For people to be better?



Photo credit: pixabay

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A Beautiful and Amazing Girl

I never believed it is possible to love a little pet so much, and feel an out of this world pain when she will leave.

They were my world, she and her sister. They ended up here by chance, but I've learned with them how it feels to love someone without any expectations.

Along the way we had amazing moments. They showed me love in their own way, made me laugh, helped me fight some problems and I helped them when they needed it. We were perfect together.

And then the unimaginable happened. We rushed to the doctor and tried our best to get her better. We fought so hard till the last second. I was by her side day and night, almost all the time. I can't describe to you the feeling when you see the last breath. The end. Just stopped fighting. Tired probably from everything she went through. She was calm now. Better, I hope. In a wonderful place where she is healthy and happy. And I was a mess.

I can't tell you how it feels. I can't describe it. You think it was your fault. Try to remember everything you did. Was it you? Did she get something from you? Could you have done more? Maybe you should have tried more?

Then you feel guilty. Guilty for not spending more time with them. Because it will never be enough no matter how much time you spend.

She left this world surrounded by love. And she will always be loved.



Photo credit: me

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A Simple Favor

That is all that she asked of her. A simple favor. And everything changed in an instance.

I have finally, after a long time, seen a movie that I really liked. And Blake Lively was delicious and amazing, and simply ruled as a bad girl. She had that vibe that made you want to be like that. Don't care about other people's problems, act like everything can be fixed, like the world isn't ending just because something went wrong, you made a bad and stupid choice, but you don't care.

When I have moments in which I am acting similarly, I feel so relieved. The pressure is off, I don't have to be perfect anymore, and I finally feel free. I feel like I'm enjoying life, like things come easier and stress free, like I can do anything I want without feeling conditioned to do it in a certain amount of time, in a given way, with a specific outcome. Time disappears and everything becomes so relaxed and easy.

Maybe we need more moments like that. Moments when we care less, stress less, do as much as you want or feel like it, be exactly as you want to be, even if that means that you are not perfect. Stop living to everyone's expectations and start doing things as you want to. At your own pace. Following your heart.

Have that moment when you involve less, and you focus more on you. It will give you a feeling of calmness and peace.

Be as you want to be. Be as you feel to be. Be the you that you want to be.



Photo credit: me


If this helped you in any way, you can donate a little something to help me keep going. No amount is too small, but it is deeply appreciated. Thank you :)

 

 

 Donations : PayPal