NEVER Ask For ... an Opinion!

 

Unless you plan to follow your own in the end!

 People are not there to decide for you. People are there to support you in your decisions, to be by your side, to love you and hold you when you need a hug, a shoulder to cry on. People are not there to decide for you, so please - and I am saying this with all the love - stop asking them to do so. Especially the ones who are so eager to do it that they aren't even waiting for you to ask them to. 

Every decision you take should be after you sat with yourself and asked yourself what you really want. I know you are so scared of making the wrong decision, but decisions are not good or bad, we just see them this way because we have an outcome in our mind and when that doesn't happen, we say that we made the wrong decision. But, if you look back at all the decisions you made and where you ended up, what road you're on right now, you'll realize that that decision took you here. So it wasn't a good or a bad decision, it was an option. You have options, and depending on what you choose, it leads you to one future or another.

You have no idea how the dots connect until you keep going and you look back years later and you realize that choosing that particular thing at that point was what you needed then, and you've been through the things you needed at that time. 

Whatever is happening right now, it's what it needs to happen right now. So, if you choose to stay, then you needed to stay. If you choose to leave, then you needed to leave. You're not right or wrong, you just made a decision based on where you needed to be in that moment. 

People can't take a decision based on what you're telling them about your situation. So many people told me "I would never... do this or that, agree to this or that" well, guess what, they did, and they did or agreed plenty more and plenty worse than what I was going through at that moment. And their reaction was "my situation is different". Of course it is, it's you who's in the midst of everything right now, and you have to make a decision based on your needs, fears, your survival instinct. It will always be different when you are the one it's happening to. 

You are the only one who can decided because you are the only one feeling those feelings and knowing the backstory in your heart and mind. The people you tell the story to, they are on the outside. They can imagine what it might feel like, but they can't fully experience the feelings, the day to day living in that story. So, they will give you an option based on their imaginary view over the situation. It's not the same as going through it and experiencing that feeling inside of you.

Decided, but leave others out of it. Listen only if you end up doing the way you felt you should do, and not what they told you to do.

Thank you to everyone who made a donation, and to all the ones who are making donations. You are helping me carry on and give back what I've learned. Thank you 🧡

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Work to Build a Relationship NOT to Keep a Relationship!

 

 

Work to build a relationship NOT to keep a relationship! 

A relationship requires you two to come together and create a space where you both feel comfortable, wanted, loved, appreciated, safe, and many other things. It is the place where you both grow and support each other while you grow. Where you solve problems without pointing fingers trying to see who created the problem or who's fault is it. 

A relationship should be the place where you can be you, your authentic self, where you express your needs and you want the other person to meet those needs, to respect them and your boundaries. But, you should also give the other person the same space and environment for them to have their needs met and respected, so they can feel safe and wanted and at peace with you in the relationship.

So, in the first case, when you come as yourself and you give space for the other person to come as themselves, you work in a relationship to build it. You give and you get. It's an exchange between the two of you, you work together, because relationships require work as well. Yes, it should feel like it's flowing, like you're not fighting to make it work all the time, but, in the end, you are two people who come together with baggage and traumas and habits that you have created through your life until that point, and you come together to live in the same space and you need to adapt to that. So now, you are working in a relationship, to build it and make it stronger, better, thriving.

If you are working to keep a relationship, then it means that things are not working. 

If all you do is make yourself small, quiet yourself, if you do everything you can to make things work between the two of you, then that is not a relationship. That is not the environment that you want to be in. If all it feel like is a struggle to make things work, then things are not working. Stop holding unto that relationship because you are just keeping beautiful things from coming into your life. You could have a beautiful relationship with someone else, but if you keep fighting to keep the relationship that is not working, you don't have the space so that what is for you to come in.

Think of it this way, if you are in a relationship that is not working, and you meet someone that you like, you like how they think, how they act, what they say and they resonates with you, you will keep that person at a safe distance because you already have someone and engaging in any activity with them means that you are cheating. So, by holding unto what is not working, what is actually for you can't enter, because you're not even allowing it to come close to you.

Now, as I was saying, you do not have to like every single thing about the other person and agree on everything in order for them to be the safe, good relationship that you need. Being a bit different, having small arguments, these are actually good for your relationship. If every little thing is perfect, you never disagree on anything, you are all rainbows and sunshine, you will get bored. Humans need a bit of adrenaline in their life. Men need to "hunt" and women need to be "hunted". Just because a relationship flows it doesn't mean that it's boring. It only means that no matter what comes at you, you can work it out, and you both work together in the relationship to be yourselves and to allow the other person to be themselves.

So, work in a relationship not for a relationship. Work to build a relationship not to keep a relationship.

Thank you to everyone who made a donation, and to all the ones who are making donations. You are helping me carry on and give back what I've learned. Thank you 🧡

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Write!

 

Whenever you feel overwhelmed with emotions, start writing. This is your body's way of telling you that your brain is thinking way too much about some things that you usually can't control, and its affecting your body. You feel it too. your heart is beating faster, your blood is rushing through your veins, you get headaches or you get dizzy, you feel nausea, you start having panic attacks and anxiety attacks. That usually mean that you are thinking of things that happened and you don't like the outcome but you can't change it, or that you're thinking about things that haven't happened yet but that you would like to control the outcome, because you fear it going a certain way.

Sit down, take a piece of paper and a pen, or your laptop and open a word document, and start writing. Write everything you're feeling. Everything that you can't change, everything that's coming and you can't control, everything you're fearing. Just write! Write it all out! It will calm your mind, body and emotions.

If you can't sleep and you have all these thoughts playing on repeat, write them down. Once they are out of your mind and unto the paper, your brain will see this as "OK, I'll handle these later because I've put them down on paper and I know that now they are there". 

Part of solving a problem is putting it down on paper. When you have it there, your perspective over it changes. You start seeing it differently, and you start seeing options that you weren't seeing before. Because when you have it down on the paper and out of your mind, it feels like you are detaching from it and you're watching it from the outside, you're no longer in the middle of it, and now you can look at it without the same overwhelming emotions that you had when you were right in the middle of it.

So, just write. Whatever is bothering you right now, whatever you feel in your body, making you want to cry, or run, or leave it all behind, just write it down. Release your soul from that pressure. You will feel so much lighter.

Thank you to everyone who made a donation, and to all the ones who are making donations. You are helping me carry on and give back what I've learned. Thank you 🧡

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Never Use Reverse Psychology! - Here is Why

People tend to use reverse psychology thinking that this will motivate the other person to achieve their goals, to not give up, to keep pushing. But, the truth is, that it does NOT help in any way! It actually does more harm than good. 

Humans have a negative talk with themselves internally every single day. You keep telling yourself how bad you are, how unworthy you are, how you're not enough, how you can't do it, how you're the only one who doesn't know how to do anything or who can't do anything, that you're the only one who can't cope with life and you feel like everyone else has it all figured it out and doing this "living" thing and it feels like you're on the outside looking in, and you can't be involved in the secrets they have to make it work.

When someone comes and tells you that you can't do something, trying to motivate you, to make you prove them wrong, you activate yourself. You get angry, you feel motivated to show them the opposite, you start fighting and you start doing the thing. Now, you might think that it worked, so why am I saying that it's not working? Because it's not!

It will work for a very short period of time and then you fail. Why? Because you already have the negative talking telling yourself that you can't do it, so when it becomes hard to keep on pushing, on top of hearing your own thoughts saying that you can't, you will take the other person's reverse psychology that they used on you to motivate you and you will use that as a confirmation that you really can't do it. 

In your mind, it will no longer be the idea of "they said that to motivate me" it will be the idea of "they were actually telling me the truth disguised as reverse psychology". 

People need encouragement to pull it through!! -- Please read that again! -- People need encouragement to pull it through!!

No question about it!

When you hit rock bottom and it's hard to carry on, hearing their words saying "you can do it, I have complete faith in you that even if it's hard, you will be able to pull through and you will find a way", it will make you keep on fighting. And when you feel like you can't fight anymore, you will call the one who supported you and empowered you to get a dose of power to keep on fighting. You won't call the one who said that you can't do it.

Another reason why reverse psychology doesn't work and you should not do it, especially on your children, is because it gets you so far. You might make it for a while, but if you have to keep on pushing, to get to where you want to be, encouragement words will get you way further than discouragement words will. You get tired and only good words keep you want to fight.

Plus, using it on your children will only create trauma in them. When it is hard and they can't keep on pushing and they fail or they give up, they will hear your words saying that they're not good enough, and they will grow up with that. Because bad words stick! And they will become the adults who don't start out things because they already know they will fail.

 Think about when you were a child, when you had a teacher telling you that you CAN do something, you still remember that teacher, right? You still feel that motivation, years later! How do you feel towards the teacher who told you that you CAN'T? How do you think of them? What feeling do you have when you think of them? This is proof that good words of encouragement work a million times better than bad words used in reverse psychology.

Be mindful of how you talk to yourself and with others! Good words will always help you way more than bad words, and it will take you much further in your achievements. Choose the good speech! Always!

Thank you to everyone who made a donation, and to all the ones who are making donations. You are helping me carry on and give back what I've learned. Thank you 🧡

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How to Trust the Journey

 

I am trying as hard as I can to trust the road that I'm walking, to trust God and everything He has in store for me. But, it's not always easy. And not because we don't trust or love God, but because we get discouraged. We get thoughts that make us doubt and we start thinking what if it won't work, what if it's all in my mind? 

Sometimes I feel this pain and sadness in my chest, in my heart, and I don't really know how to stop it. I can go from being so fine and feeling well, to feeling pain and sadness, and sometimes it is without a cause and that is when I lose myself. If something happens and I feel this way, then I know, it's because of that. But, when nothing happens ... where is it from?

Something always happens, we just forget. I had a fight with someone. I was fine afterwards. I didn't hate them or anything, I just felt like I should be respected and appreciated more, but I didn't say anything else about it except that I hope that's the last time it ever happens, and I really meant it, but then I moved on. I had some projects that I focused on, and everything seemed to flow so well and beautifully. We were on a "speak what's essential" kind of base, but, I was fine. 

Then I wake up this morning and I feel a bit down, although lately I went to bed earlier and I reduced my time on the phone before bed dramatically, keeping it around 15-20 minutes tops. 

I woke up and I carried on with my routine. At some point during the day, this sadness and pain hit me. My eyes teared up and I couldn't make sense of why was this happening? I was fine. No one upset me, I didn't have a fight with anyone, nothing bad happened, so, why was this happening? 

So, I started writing, and as I did, I realized that I had a fight with this person the other days, we're on the "speak what's needed" basis, and that's the problem. Not that we're not speaking, but, that I want more. I want a happier life. I deserve to be happy. And so does this person. Then I think about all the ways in which we're connected and I want us to go on separate ways, but I am fearful of if we'll be successful or not.This can apply to a business, friendship or romantic relationship. When we invest a lot of time and feelings into something, it's hard to let go and move on, and you do think about what if you won't succeed? 

This is when you have to let God lead you and lead the way and you have to trust Him. And, when you try to be in control for so long, it's not that easy to surrender. You don't really know how to do it. You fall of the wagon and then get back on. While you're managing to let God lead you find yourself peaceful, everything flows, you're happy and things just align and happen for you and you're in awe. 

And when you fell off the wagon you find yourself sad and in pain and struggling. 

Why is it so hard to trust God to lead us and our way? We trust the bus driver, we trust the airplane pilot. We trust someone driving the car we get into. Is it because we've never met God? But, haven't we? Because every time we're surrendering to Him and let Him lead, we're happy. Do we really not trust Him? Do we really need to see Him face to face to believe?

I can't explain how to trust God, and I don't know how to tell you to do it. All I know is that when I let Him lead I was always fine, I was at peace, and all the good things, experiences, opportunities and people flow in my life, everything aligns. All I can do is ask God to love me and have patience with me and guide me with love and gentleness to go the way He wants me to, so I can be well and happy and have a wonderful life.

Thank you to everyone who made a donation, and to all the ones who are making donations. You are helping me carry on and give back what I've learned. Thank you 🧡

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