Don't Judge! - you don't know their stories

I was on the street with my mother one day, and we saw an old lady on the side of the street, begging. I'm not going to tell you how sad, and resignedly she looked. She wasn't actively begging, meaning that she wasn't asking for anything, she wasn't even looking at the people passing by. She just sat by the fence, staring nowhere.

My mother recognized her, and started talking to her. I'm not describing the conversation and what went on, as that is not the purpose of this post, but after we left, I asked where she knew her from. She told me that the lady used to work with my father, and told me how she got there. It wasn't because she was drinking or using anything, there were just a few bad choices which led to that.

I know of another case, a man, who used to live where the garbage was being deposited, in the same building where his family resided. And, again, a few bad choices led him to stay there, living on the mercy of the neighbors.

I am not approaching the reasons why their families weren't helping them. That is not for me to judge. Because, no matter how much I might know on the subject, I can never know all the reasons and choices that put them in those situations. Never. You will always know one side of the story, or know only as much as they feel comfortable telling you, maybe to feel sorry for them, or to turn the scale in their favor. So, you can never, truly know how someone ended up like that.

But what I want you to see, is that every person you see on the street, every person you meet, has a story. Has a life, and a past. Even the ones who drank or gambled their money, houses, lives ... they have a reason to why and how they got to do that.

Don't judge. Don't say that you would've never gotten there. You don't know that. You don't know how strong you are, how much you can take, and what decisions you might have made facing the same situations. Until you actually go through the exact same situations, you don't know how you would react. And even then, you still might take different decisions based on your character, your life experience, your education, the support of family and friends, or the lack of it, your current financial and professional situation, and many other factors. They all come into discussion when you are making decisions. 

My dear friends, the same extend to the people you meet everyday. To your friends and family members. Some might have bad days and act poorly with everyone around. Some have a past that haunts them and changes the way they interact with others.

If someone's presence is making you feel uncomfortable, leave. Put distance between you and that person and just let them be. Don't judge, but you don't have to stay either.

I have a saying: "If you're not helping, don't express your opinion. And if you are helping, don't force your opinion".

If you see a homeless person asking for money, food, attention, whatever, and you are not responding in any way, then don't express your judgement unto what they should or shouldn't do. If you do give them money, for example, and they decide to buy alcohol with them, don't judge their decision or feel sorry for the money you gave. Maybe that alcohol is the only thing that numbs the cold they feel every day sleeping on the ground.

If you can help, do it, but Don't judge.

 

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Your Spouse Is Not The Enemy

Although I am sure it might seem so when you are scratching your eyes out and fighting like there is no tomorrow, when you are heading for breakup and you have so much anger in you, turning into Ally McBeal's mind, seeing all the ways that you could hurt the other person. 

Even if it is hard to believe, when you feel like you're living the WW3, your spouse is not the enemy. They are going through the same hurt, disappointment, shattered dreams and hopes like you do. Maybe they are not showing it, or you might think they're not, but if they cared for you at the beginning, they are suffering from losing you at the end, no doubt about it.

Every time you feel chocked by all the things you want to say and you can't, when you feel your heart aching for all the beautiful memories you've shared, when your mind plays tricks on you, and when you feel your stomach ache and a knot in your throat, they are feeling the same. It's as hard for them as it is for you. Just remember that before you start hating each other, before you start the yelling, the name-callings and everything else that come in those awful moments. 

You've started this hoping you will have it forever. You were so happy, that all you could see was the two f you building a family together, raising your children and spoiling your grandchildren. Non of you thought they will be happy for a while and then mess it up and break up. Sometimes things just don't work out. It's not necessarily someone's fault. You just stop clicking. And even if it is, what does it matter now? You're both going through broken hearts and dreams.

I know it's hard, but try to talk calmly about it. The event is already as hard as can be, you don't need to turn it into something even more painful. 


P.S.: This doesn't refer to abusive relationships of any kind.

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Don't Give Up

There is nothing more difficult and soliciting of your energy, hope and every feeling you have, but trying to reach your goals, and make your dreams come true. There will be moments when you will feel so discouraged, you will want to give up everything, you will stop believing that anything can actually happen, that your dreams could really come true. You will feel so low, so anxious and go through so many emotions that you didn't even knew you were ever possible of such range of emotions.

Don't give up! I know it's hard. I know you must be so tired. That maybe you see no out, no light at the end of the tunnel, I know, but, until you have exhausted every single road, window or door, DON'T GIVE UP!  You've come so far already. Even when you thought you had no idea where to start from, you suddenly had an idea, you've tried it and it got you a step further.

Once you pass this moment of fear and anxiety that you are feeling, the moment where you feel like drowning, like you have the walls tighten around you, you will see a new door, have a new idea, make a step forward.

Don't give up! Fight a little longer. Try a little longer. Just don't give up. There are better times ahead, and when you will get there, you will be so happy you fought a little longer.

 

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The Need To Talk To Someone

You might find yourself doing something new, something that you are so happy and excited about it, and you just want to talk about it with everyone around you. But, what do you do when you see you can't really talk to anyone around you? They might be too busy, or to cringe to be happy for you, or even just listen to you, too involved or too not involved to be caring ... .

You see them change their entire face mimic the minute you bring it up. And all your happiness and enthusiasm is broken. So you don't only have no one to tell the happy things to, but you also don't have no one to talk you out of all the bad things you have popping in your head: fears, concerns, stupid thoughts.

Some people close inside, and decide to stop telling things, but they also stop listening when you might need to talk, some start a blog, or create a social media page or group, or enroll in one that already exist, to find those people who are going through the same thing as they do, and, to be honest, this is one of the best things you can do. You have 90% chances to find more encouragement and power to move on, from strangers who are not only experiencing the same thing and they want to talk about it, but they are happy for you, they want to hear your take on it, and they want to talk about their on well.

There are ways to enjoy the wonderful changes that you are going through, to feel the beauty you get from it, receive advises, and tell your story, and some times they can be even better than if it would come from your friends or family.

People need to talk to other people about what they are going through. They need support, a change flux of ideas, and they need to ask questions and receive answers.

Maybe the fact that the people in your life are too busy to listen or talk to you is not such a bad thing after all. They might not understand your passion, the changes you are going through, your happiness or disappointment, and they might take away your joy or motivation even if they actually want to help you. Ever thought about that?



Photo credit: me


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Can Too Many "Signs" Be TOO MUCH?

Yes! It can!

I know this is most probably not something you wanted to hear, but too much of anything is never a good idea, no matter how positive or harmless it might be or look. There are thousands of inspirational and motivational accounts on all social media, and they are all posting different kind of messages at least once a day, so you might find yourself reading tens of motivational messages daily.

The messages are great, don't get me wrong, and they can help you exactly when you need it, and with the words you need to hear, but if every account in your list is "tackling" a different "problem", you can see in a few minutes messages that are telling you to take action, to stay still, to be calm or to act upon it, to think of what you desire, or to stop thinking so it can materialize, that you will get it fast or that it will take some time, that it is regarding your career, or your love life, your mental health or physical health ... see where I am going with this?

Sometimes more is not helping you understand better, or get there faster, it just makes you more confused about everything, and all that anxiety and depression that you are trying to fix, you are actually making it worse.  

But, how do you know which messages are for you? The ones you feel something towards to. Those are the only ones that truly are for you. 

When you are scrolling through your flux or the list of followers' activity you might feel attracted towards a certain post, without even seeing what is says. And when you read it, you have that feeling like that was for you. The calm and sense of peace and serenity is a sign that that message is for you. If you feel a bit anxious, and you almost can't wait to go through the message, or if you don't instantly feel something, you actually have to think of something to relate to the message, then that message isn't for you.

Choose the ones that are meant for you, otherwise you risk to get confused and drained of energy.



Photo credit: me

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See People, Not Colors

Everyday I am hearing or seeing tragedy in the world - and I am someone who tries to avoid TV news like there's no tomorrow, just because I don't want to see all the hate and destruction anymore. Attacks, violence, hate, people instigating to hate. People aren't referring to them as people, but naming colors. White people, black people, brown people, yellow people ... why are there colors? Why aren't they People?

I was thinking, when will this stop? When will everybody start living in true peace? Accepting one another exactly the way that they are, regardless of their skin color, orientation, religion, beliefs ... .

If we are all people of the same world and Planet, why isn't the news saying "An X years old person  did the following: ... "? - of course we would like to hear news like "he/she helped him/her", but until then, let's at least start seeing people, not colors.

Sometimes you fight for something good, but can get a little lost. You want to empower women, and some might end up putting down men in the process. They're not the enemy - old conceptions and beliefs are. And the same happens with people. People act good or bad depending on their behavior, education, circumstances and so on, but regardless of their skin color. Skin color doesn't make someone good or bad, their actions do.

A certain color doesn't make you a certain way. A repetitive behavior make you a certain way. Maybe there will be a while until we will all live in peace and acceptance, but I do believe that the change starts with us, and within us. We can truly make progress, and a better world, if we start educating ourselves and our children today.

Lets start seeing People, and stop seeing Colors, and we will be one step closer to the future we're all longing for.



Photo credit: me

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How To Leave?

I know you are not understanding this. Any of it. And I wish I could explain it to you. You see me change and you react nervous to the new me. I understand. That's you. You need to be held and guided, taken by the hand and set on the right direction with the specific instruction. And even then, you are not following, because you want to be different.

I can't anymore. I can't chase us anymore. I can't fight for both of us anymore. I don't have the patience to wait anymore for things to change. Maybe because I finally understood they are not changing. Change was never the option, it was only my dream. I want to set us free, because I finally understood this is nothing more than a friendship, and I need more than that. The only problem is, when you spend so many years together, you don't know how to put an end to everything. You get so many mixed feelings and emotions. Feel guilt for wanting to leave, for not trying more, but if trying for years isn't enough, I don't know what is.

I am on a different path, and I want to talk to you about it. I come to you so happy and motivated by the new me, and you shut me down. Your eyes, your face, your mimic. They all shut me down. So I'm closing a bit more inside, again. I want to be happy about this without worrying that my change will offend you in any way.

This has always been the case with us. Me trying something new, and you rejecting it immediately. In the beginning it was nice, because I thought this is your way of protecting me, of wanting better for me, but in time I understood that you were trying to keep me in. Maybe you were afraid to lose me, I don't know. But you should have trusted me more. You should have trusted that I loved you so much that leaving was never an option for me. Keeping me locked only made me want to break free.

I have no idea how to do this now. After being under your wing for so long, failing at everything I wanted, how am I going to make it? I have moments when I have so many hopes, and I can practically see the path I will go on, but then I get scared, thinking what if it won't work? What if after all this time, all my love, all these years, I will be the one still suffering?



Photo credit: pixabay

 

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Broken Inside

"Let's promise we will stop if there's nothing left, before we hurt each other".

I remember. So clearly and vividly the day we said it. And we meant it. We truly did. But what did we know? We were so in love that the mere idea of ever ending was silly. And yet .... here we are, years later, all broken and left with nothing else than the memories we had, the love we felt, the whole that we once were.

It's so absurd. Thinking that is over, actually, truly over. So crazy and out of this world to understand how we could go from that to this.

We promised we will stop before we hurt each other, and maybe we would have, if we wouldn't have hoped so bad that things could get better again. The hope. This hope. The one that made me stay so long after everything was over, because I kept thinking that this is not real, that what we had was real, this is just a moment, one that will pass, and we can go back to what it was. Not knowing that all along I was lying to myself. But the hope ... the hope made me stay so long.

The moment I realized this is actually the reality and what we had was the moment, that is when I lost my breath and I could actually feel my heart ache so bad that my own skin was shrinking on me. That was when I felt every bone in my body, every muscle and every vain, because they all hurt, and all I could think was "how do I do this?", "how do I survive this?".

You sensed it. Me, changing, leaving, smiling just to look present. And instead of giving me the you that I kept longing for, the "we" that we once had, you tried to make me stay by giving me the Moon, when all I ever wanted was you.

I can't help think that when I'll finally tell you that it's the end, that you will just then realize, and you'll find someone that you will give what once was mine.

I never thought it was possible to love each other and still be over. 



Photo credit: pixabay


If this helped you in any way, you can donate a little something to help me keep going. No amount is too small, but it is deeply appreciated. Thank you :)

 

 

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