I still remember you. I sense your smell sometimes, I see where you used to stay, I feel you so real when I think of you, holding you, and sometimes I feel like I can actually hear you. I never thought it will be that hard after you will leave. I have imagined the moment, because I knew it will come, but it was never the way I am feeling it now. The pain, the lost, the memories, the ache, the sadness, the wish to have you back, the memory of your face and the feeling of your touch. No matter how much I have envisioned, it was never this hard.
There were moments when I thought this is for the best, and it should happen and just be better, and I know this is what it had to happen, I understand the logic, the pain you were in, the love I had for you, for both of you, but now ... it just seams so empty.
Sometimes it is better. I emerge myself into work and I forget how much I miss you, and in those moments, I feel relieved. Not because I want to forget you, but because I get carried away, my mind gets occupied with something else, I am thinking clearer, and for a second I really understand this was for the best. But than I remember the last moments, you, your eyes, your touch, your everything, and I want those moments back, and hold you, kiss you, and be there with you.
I miss you. And I am afraid that if I'll stop, I'll lose you completely.
Photo credit: me
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