'I'll Jump" - he said ... And Everyone Gathered.
I was walking on the street and saw a lot of people gathered near an apartment building.
- "What happened"? I asked concerned seeing four fire department intervention cars and three police cars. I was thinking that maybe there was a fire somewhere and they came to put it out, but there was no smoke.
- "A teenager threatened to jump", told me a lady, looking up at the last floor of the building.
I stayed. Not because I might have been curious to see what will happen, or because I didn't had anything else to do, but because, somehow, I hoped that he wouldn't do it, or that maybe they might need our help. So I stayed.
People around me were talking. Some telling the story of the boy and his family, some trying to find out what happened, and some ... making jokes on the situation. And I was thinking, how can you find this amusing? A life is in danger. Either by its own hand, or by someone else's, a life is in danger. You don't know the story behind it, the things that maybe pushed him to think of doing this. But, it didn't matter the reason, the situation, as I was to find out. They knew the story behind it, and still made jokes about it. Even more jokes. I am not going to name any of them here, out of respect and because this is the normal thing to do.
The child had mental problems, and from what I learned, he had been kept inside the house for a while now. Have you noticed how you get when maybe it is winter, it is snowing a lot, and it is hard to get out, so you stay in, unless it is absolutely necessary to go out, and after a few days you feel like going crazy. You would rather wrestle the snow than spend one more minute locked in there.
The neighbors were talking about how they fear he might do something to destroy the building. Start a fire, or create a flood, talking about past times when he might have tried various things in one of his crisis, and they were blaming the parents for his actions.
I understand their point of view very well. I understand the fear they have living in the same building, and maybe on the same floor, with someone with mental illness, that you have no idea when their next crisis will be, and what they'll do in that moment. The fear for themselves, for their families, which they are trying to protect, for the property that they own, and everything in it that they might lose.
I also understand the parent's point of view. They see their child, this person that is part of them, struggling, hurting, suffering, and reacting with unexpected force to the environment surrounding them. I understand the pain of the parents who look at their child and have no idea how that child is going to take care of himself when they are gone. How will he live? Will he hurt someone so bad that they will go to prison? Will they be institutionalized, and maybe end up in a place where they will hurt even more, if the people taking care of them don't have the proper training, or the patience, or compassion to do it well? I also understand their moments of having enough of it. They're tired, they don't know how to make it stop, they can't take a break, but they long for one. The guilt they feel having these feelings, these thoughts, about their own child. For anyone going through this, and reading this: IT'S OK. It's ok to feel like you can't do it anymore. it's ok to fall down, and melt down, and break down, and feel like you can't do it anymore. IT'S OK. It doesn't mean you love your child any less, it just means that you are tired. And it is perfectly understandable.
But I also understand the child. This person who has no idea what is happening, who is in constant pain, constant hurt, and he's just trying to make all of it stop. He is fighting every day for survival. Not only with the outside world that he doesn't understand, but also with his mind who is breaking him day by day, minute by minute. We consider ourselves sane, and still struggle every day through all the challenges that life throws at us. Imagine doing that when your own mind is attacking you, and you can't make sense of what's real and what's not.
This story had a good ending. I'm happy to say that. But think about all the stories that don't have this ending. Listen to the people talking about it. How many say they understand the one in pain? Again, understanding everyone's point of view, fears and need for protection.
Try to understand everybody. They all have something invested in the situation. Either it is pain, fear, love, not knowing how to react ... they are all engaged somehow.
Photo credit: pixabay
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