I don't think I fully understood the importance of "peace of mind" until I lost it. Until I found myself literally on the floor, crying so hard that I was out of breath, begging God to help me, and not seeing a way out of my situation.
Those were the hardest moments of my life, and it still gives me anxiety thinking and talking about it.
In just a few months my life changed drastically, going from bad, to worst, to finding some sort of balance and then to falling even deeper than before. I was in a place where I did not think I will get out of. I felt like I had so many options, so many ways I could have chosen, and then, in a couple of days I found myself without any of them.
Covid added a lot to that situation, and I know many people had a really hard time, and lost a lot during that period.
I don't want to complain about it, because going through it I didn't just loose some options, but I've gained some new ones that I think put me on the right track. But I had to fight a lot through it. Mentally. That's the hardest part. I had so many negative, bad an unsettling thought that I could not stop, and that got me in a place so bad I can't even tell you about it.
I used to think the mental health is a given, and that the ones who lose it are just a really small number, and usually they come into this world like this. I never knew depression and bad thoughts can get you that low. Not seeing a way out. feeling stuck. Feeling lost. Feeling like you failed, because you don't have the right job, you don't have the family you're supposed to have by that age, you don't know how to get back and regain your motivation. And day by day you go in deeper and deeper, and it's harder and harder to pull yourself out.
I would walk on the street or be in the middle of the mall and I was getting so overwhelmed that I would instantly start crying. Not having a specific reason, meaning that there wasn't anything that happened to me in that exact moment. I was just feeling so much pressure from it all.
I have struggled a lot in my life with the feeling that I am not normal, that everyone has it together and knows exactly what they have to do, where they're coming from and where they're headed, they are confident, balanced, and so well put together, and I was the freak that didn't fit in. I have learned now that NO ONE has it together. No one. Read that again. No one has it together. Yes, they might be having good days where their confidence levels go up, where things seem to flow for them and they look and feel like they are stepping on clouds. But so are you. You also have those days. But most of the times, everyone is just fighting to keep out the bad thought, and to survive.
After being through those moments of hopelessness and helplessness, I know my mental health, my Peace of Mind is what makes me go on every day, and do things, and just exist.
I have meditated, read psychological books, went to therapy, followed everything and everyone that was talking about depression and how to get out of. I fought a lot. I smiled a lot while tears were falling down my face, to trick my brain that I am happy. I induced my happiness by putting on happy music and dance on it. By repeating myself "I am fine, I am safe" until I started really letting those words in my head and feel them. I looked at everything I had in my life and made a list with all I have every time I was slipping back into it. I listened to Bob Proctor, Gabrielle Bernstein, Dr. Joe Dispenza, Amy Sikarskie, and many, many more, and meditations from them. I tried everything.
I managed to get back. I'm not 100% healed (no one is), but I am back. It is an every day step towards getting better and staying that way. I did learn that changing what thoughts you let in, affects your mind, mood and health.
I have also learned that you can do anything and everything, but unless you try to stop the negative thought, and fight to keep them out, replace them with something else, something of your choice, it's really hard to win.
Remember the best memories you have. Go where you most feel comfortable. Move your body even when you feel like crawling on the floor crying. Do something. Move! Move, move, move. I can't stretch this enough. Keep moving. Go for walks. Wash dishes. Fold clothes. Dance. Do sport exercises inside your house. No matter how easy or intense. But move your body, to start moving your energy and changing it.
Then choose to be happy. Because you can. Not because you have to, but because you can. If you were once happy, you can be happy again.
Choose what thoughts you let in. Because it is your mind. Your house. No one can enter or stay in your house if you don't want them there. Imagine yourself being bigger than the thought in your mind, and telling it firm and clear to leave. Show it the door. And close it behind it. It is YOUR "house", YOUR rules.
Play funny videos on YouTube. I've watched so many dogs and cats that I feel like I own some myself :)
Change your support system. If they don't support you, if you don't feel good or comfortable around them, don't be afraid to set boundaries, create limits and leave out anyone who makes you vibe in a bad way. You need to protect your mind. As selfish as that might sound, it really isn't. If they don't understand that you need that peace and they cross your fence, you should not bend your mental comfort for them.
You do have the power. You are much more powerful than you think.
Make a list with what you want to do the next day. Stay realistic. Don't put 1000 things on the list when your mental power gives you enough to deal with one thing. Put that one thing in, and add another one with "maybe". The "maybe", really is a maybe. Is not a must. Is not an "I'm failing if I don't". If you can do that "maybe" as well, that's great. If you can't, just look at you actually doing that one thing you set yourself to do for the day. You did it. That's amazing. Be proud of yourself. You did it. You really did. And I hope from the bottom of my heart you realize how important and amazing it is that you did that :)
Do you. Care about you. Put yourself first. No one else is supposed to put you first, because they need to put themselves first. Gain back your mental health. Your peace of mind is the most important thing. If you have that, you can do anything you want to.
You can. Because I know you can :)
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