When you have trauma around love, how you receive it, or better said, how you did not receive it and you need it, you will look for it later in life, especially in the partner/s you will have. So, if, for example, you're a woman and you are looking for a male partner, every man that gives you attention, looks at you as if they like you, they basically interact with you as if they are in love with you - sometimes that is what you see, when in fact they just might like you or find you attractive, or see you as a friend and pay attention to you as a friend - you will immediately fall in love with them creating a whole dependency story.
So, if you are one of those people who have a trauma surrounding love, how do you know if you are really in love with them, or if that is just your trauma response?
First of all, take a moment and think about it, ask yourself a few questions:
Do you truly like them?
- think about them, see them in your mind, look at them carefully in your mind, do you really like them? Analyze them really well in your mind.
What do you like about them?
- their face? their body? is there anything that you really like about them?
How do they behave around you?
- think of it subjectively, how do they behave around you? Do they behave like everyone else, and it's just your mind creating the love story there? Do they behave like someone who truly likes you and wants to be around you? Do they behave like someone who wants to get that one thing and that's it? What is it?
What is your intuition telling you?
- when you think about them, how do you feel? Do you feel like you're in a nice, warm, light energy, or do you feel anxious and uncomfortable, or heavy?
Do you see a future?
- when you think about them, do you see a future with this person? Do you see each other living together, getting married maybe? are they in your future?
Trauma around love it's not easy, because it messes up with our minds. And you end up suffering in the present just as much as in the past, when it happened. Because you tend to chase people who you think are in love with you, or that you think you're in love with, just to experience that feeling that you lacked.
One of the ways you can heal that part and recognize better if it is love or you think it's love, is to think back into your past, when it happened, how were you neglected, who neglected you, and heal those parts, so you can heal your present too. And take some time away from relationships, either looking for one or being in one, while you're healing that part.
When you have trauma around love and you try to find that love in everyone who's giving you attention, you not only hurt yourself, but you can also hurt the other person. If they are actually being a friend and caring about you as a friend, and they are nice to you because of that aspect, but you interpret that as love from their part, and you get attached and start pursuing them or giving them signs that you like/love them, they might end up falling in love with you. And that is bad if you don't actually love them, and one day you realize that and you want to end everything.
Stepping back and analyzing what is going on, seeing if you really like them or not, it's beneficial for both of you. And you don't get caught up in that loop where you feel like you keep being rejected, which fuels your love trauma even more.
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