I have been so afraid, for so long, to cry. I always believed that if I cry I'm not strong anymore, that I will collapse, and I won't be able to stop crying, that I'll seem too sensitive, and others will manipulate me or take advantage of me ... in a word, I thought that if I cry I'm doomed. So, I had to fight, and be strong, and keep it together.
Even now, when I left the house I spent 13 years in with my husband (until we are divorced, he is still my husband), when I got back to my parents house, trying to start my life over again, and fight all these horrible feelings, I still was holding myself from crying.
"Crying won't solve anything". "Crying won't change things". "Crying won't make things better". - and this is where I was most wrong. Crying MAKES things better. And, yes, I had to put it in caps because I want you to understand how adamant I am about this. Crying makes things better. It doesn't changes what happened, it doesn't take you back, but it makes your heart so much better.
All the pain, all the hurt, all that feeling like a vise is squeezing your heart, all that fades in a big part after you have a good cry. Crying is good. Crying lightens your soul. It takes the burden off of it, and it does make you feel better, lighter, like you can go through another day, take a bit more, and keep standing through all.
I don't want you to go to the extremes. Crying is good, but if you're doing it all day, every day, for every silly thing that happens, that's no longer releasing tension, that is just acting childishly, and this is no way of getting out of the hurt and pain you are in.
So, cry. All of you who feel the need to cry, who feel like your heart is so heavy, and the pain is so unbearable ... cry, and let your heart and soul breath. Because this is how they breath.
Your emotions are made to be let out. Good or bad, they should not be bottled up inside. Because bottled emotions lead to diseases (dis-ease). I was just reading a message from someone earlier on, and that hit so hard, that I felt it in my heart. I just started crying. I was on the floor, with my heart so full, and I just let it all out. I thought I won't be able to stop. I thought I won't be able to feel good again. That when I will stop crying, I will still feel the same, just as bad, or even worst, because crying was supposed to make everything worst. But, it didn't. It really didn't. I stopped crying, and when I did, I was OK. I felt lighter, and I felt like I can go on.
I remembered what I have to do, what my plans are, what strategy I made to achieve my plans, and I got up. It wasn't anything like in the movies :) There was no strong look, there was no motivational music on the background. It was just me, and my thoughts, and the, somewhat peace, I felt inside, because I had a plan, I had a trajectory, I had something in mind, I wasn't just going blind in.
What if all you're dreaming of, can come true? What if you are destined to be more, and do more? I truly desire to be able to help people. Either it is through my personal experiences and the lessons I've learned throughout my life and that I talk about here, on my blog, either it is through the rolls I am portraying in the movies, I truly wish I can reach those who need it. And if at least one person is touched, healed, helped in any way, or they know they are not alone in this, then I am happy. I won't stop, I'll keep doing the things that I am doing, but with each one of you that finds any type of comfort in my writing or acting, I will feel the drive to keep on doing it, and I am experiencing a happiness and gratitude that I wish upon all of you.
So, cry, beautiful soul, if this is what you feel like doing. Cry and let your heart and soul breath. And when you're done crying, get up, with no music, and with no one to help you get up, if there is no one there, and do your thing, because now you are stronger. You cried ... and you didn't die, and the sky didn't fall, and you're still standing ... and you're actually feeling better.
Photo credit: pixabay
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