Work to Build a Relationship NOT to Keep a Relationship!

 

 

Work to build a relationship NOT to keep a relationship! 

A relationship requires you two to come together and create a space where you both feel comfortable, wanted, loved, appreciated, safe, and many other things. It is the place where you both grow and support each other while you grow. Where you solve problems without pointing fingers trying to see who created the problem or who's fault is it. 

A relationship should be the place where you can be you, your authentic self, where you express your needs and you want the other person to meet those needs, to respect them and your boundaries. But, you should also give the other person the same space and environment for them to have their needs met and respected, so they can feel safe and wanted and at peace with you in the relationship.

So, in the first case, when you come as yourself and you give space for the other person to come as themselves, you work in a relationship to build it. You give and you get. It's an exchange between the two of you, you work together, because relationships require work as well. Yes, it should feel like it's flowing, like you're not fighting to make it work all the time, but, in the end, you are two people who come together with baggage and traumas and habits that you have created through your life until that point, and you come together to live in the same space and you need to adapt to that. So now, you are working in a relationship, to build it and make it stronger, better, thriving.

If you are working to keep a relationship, then it means that things are not working. 

If all you do is make yourself small, quiet yourself, if you do everything you can to make things work between the two of you, then that is not a relationship. That is not the environment that you want to be in. If all it feel like is a struggle to make things work, then things are not working. Stop holding unto that relationship because you are just keeping beautiful things from coming into your life. You could have a beautiful relationship with someone else, but if you keep fighting to keep the relationship that is not working, you don't have the space so that what is for you to come in.

Think of it this way, if you are in a relationship that is not working, and you meet someone that you like, you like how they think, how they act, what they say and they resonates with you, you will keep that person at a safe distance because you already have someone and engaging in any activity with them means that you are cheating. So, by holding unto what is not working, what is actually for you can't enter, because you're not even allowing it to come close to you.

Now, as I was saying, you do not have to like every single thing about the other person and agree on everything in order for them to be the safe, good relationship that you need. Being a bit different, having small arguments, these are actually good for your relationship. If every little thing is perfect, you never disagree on anything, you are all rainbows and sunshine, you will get bored. Humans need a bit of adrenaline in their life. Men need to "hunt" and women need to be "hunted". Just because a relationship flows it doesn't mean that it's boring. It only means that no matter what comes at you, you can work it out, and you both work together in the relationship to be yourselves and to allow the other person to be themselves.

So, work in a relationship not for a relationship. Work to build a relationship not to keep a relationship.

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