How to Trust the Journey

 

I am trying as hard as I can to trust the road that I'm walking, to trust God and everything He has in store for me. But, it's not always easy. And not because we don't trust or love God, but because we get discouraged. We get thoughts that make us doubt and we start thinking what if it won't work, what if it's all in my mind? 

Sometimes I feel this pain and sadness in my chest, in my heart, and I don't really know how to stop it. I can go from being so fine and feeling well, to feeling pain and sadness, and sometimes it is without a cause and that is when I lose myself. If something happens and I feel this way, then I know, it's because of that. But, when nothing happens ... where is it from?

Something always happens, we just forget. I had a fight with someone. I was fine afterwards. I didn't hate them or anything, I just felt like I should be respected and appreciated more, but I didn't say anything else about it except that I hope that's the last time it ever happens, and I really meant it, but then I moved on. I had some projects that I focused on, and everything seemed to flow so well and beautifully. We were on a "speak what's essential" kind of base, but, I was fine. 

Then I wake up this morning and I feel a bit down, although lately I went to bed earlier and I reduced my time on the phone before bed dramatically, keeping it around 15-20 minutes tops. 

I woke up and I carried on with my routine. At some point during the day, this sadness and pain hit me. My eyes teared up and I couldn't make sense of why was this happening? I was fine. No one upset me, I didn't have a fight with anyone, nothing bad happened, so, why was this happening? 

So, I started writing, and as I did, I realized that I had a fight with this person the other days, we're on the "speak what's needed" basis, and that's the problem. Not that we're not speaking, but, that I want more. I want a happier life. I deserve to be happy. And so does this person. Then I think about all the ways in which we're connected and I want us to go on separate ways, but I am fearful of if we'll be successful or not.This can apply to a business, friendship or romantic relationship. When we invest a lot of time and feelings into something, it's hard to let go and move on, and you do think about what if you won't succeed? 

This is when you have to let God lead you and lead the way and you have to trust Him. And, when you try to be in control for so long, it's not that easy to surrender. You don't really know how to do it. You fall of the wagon and then get back on. While you're managing to let God lead you find yourself peaceful, everything flows, you're happy and things just align and happen for you and you're in awe. 

And when you fell off the wagon you find yourself sad and in pain and struggling. 

Why is it so hard to trust God to lead us and our way? We trust the bus driver, we trust the airplane pilot. We trust someone driving the car we get into. Is it because we've never met God? But, haven't we? Because every time we're surrendering to Him and let Him lead, we're happy. Do we really not trust Him? Do we really need to see Him face to face to believe?

I can't explain how to trust God, and I don't know how to tell you to do it. All I know is that when I let Him lead I was always fine, I was at peace, and all the good things, experiences, opportunities and people flow in my life, everything aligns. All I can do is ask God to love me and have patience with me and guide me with love and gentleness to go the way He wants me to, so I can be well and happy and have a wonderful life.

Thank you to everyone who made a donation, and to all the ones who are making donations. You are helping me carry on and give back what I've learned. Thank you 🧡

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