Broken Inside

"Let's promise we will stop if there's nothing left, before we hurt each other".

I remember. So clearly and vividly the day we said it. And we meant it. We truly did. But what did we know? We were so in love that the mere idea of ever ending was silly. And yet .... here we are, years later, all broken and left with nothing else than the memories we had, the love we felt, the whole that we once were.

It's so absurd. Thinking that is over, actually, truly over. So crazy and out of this world to understand how we could go from that to this.

We promised we will stop before we hurt each other, and maybe we would have, if we wouldn't have hoped so bad that things could get better again. The hope. This hope. The one that made me stay so long after everything was over, because I kept thinking that this is not real, that what we had was real, this is just a moment, one that will pass, and we can go back to what it was. Not knowing that all along I was lying to myself. But the hope ... the hope made me stay so long.

The moment I realized this is actually the reality and what we had was the moment, that is when I lost my breath and I could actually feel my heart ache so bad that my own skin was shrinking on me. That was when I felt every bone in my body, every muscle and every vain, because they all hurt, and all I could think was "how do I do this?", "how do I survive this?".

You sensed it. Me, changing, leaving, smiling just to look present. And instead of giving me the you that I kept longing for, the "we" that we once had, you tried to make me stay by giving me the Moon, when all I ever wanted was you.

I can't help think that when I'll finally tell you that it's the end, that you will just then realize, and you'll find someone that you will give what once was mine.

I never thought it was possible to love each other and still be over. 



Photo credit: pixabay


If this helped you in any way, you can donate a little something to help me keep going. No amount is too small, but it is deeply appreciated. Thank you :)

 

 

 Donations : PayPal