I was watching a video about a couple who fell in love, got married, had a child ... showing how their love was, and how they took care of each other when they were sick. Just one of those videos that people do lately, that is staged - edited and produced - to actually speak about something. And in this video, the man had a night out with the guys, while a woman appeared in the scenery and she kept trying to get his attention.
The man thinks at the possibility of trying something with her, but decides to leave her a note, that said: "someday when you will be a wife and a mother, would you like a woman like you to try to take your husband away?".
Now, what is wrong with this scene?
First of all, the blame is put all on the woman 🤔 - Maybe she didn't know he was taken. Maybe she didn't see the wedding ring. Or, if they are just in a relationship, not married, he wouldn't have a wedding ring on, so how would she know he has someone waiting for him at home?
And just to be clear, this applies to both men and women. I'm using the male example simply because the video was about a man and his experience with this type of situation. But, it can absolutely go both ways.
Maybe she did see the wedding ring, but, for some reason, she decides to proceed with this, still staring at him. Of course he's going to notice. You can always feel when someone is looking at you persistently. Do you look back? Maybe smile? Maybe more looks and smiles? In this case, who's to blame? The woman for trying, or the man for accepting it and responding?
Well ... both. If she knows he is taken - either by seeing the wedding ring, or by him telling her so - and she continues to pursue him, it is her fault. Just as much as it is his fault for accepting her, and pursuing her back, even if he knows he has back home exactly what she has to offer.
When is it ALL her fault? Never. Why? Because she is trying. Maybe she knows he's taken, maybe she doesn't. For whatever reasons, she keeps trying.
When is it ALL his fault? When he knows he is taken, but he accepts the other woman.
So, you see, the biggest fault comes to the one who engages into this type of situation, even if he/she knows they already are involved with someone else. All the situations that you witness your friends go through, while she finds out that he was cheating, and she attacks the woman he was cheating with ... that's wrong. She was free to pursue him, but he wasn't free to receive it. And, again, the same goes for the other way around, when she is pursuing and he finds out.
If the pursuer knew the person was engaged in a relationship, and kept acting upon it, it is both their fault if they go further. If the pursuer had no idea the other person was in another relationship, it is all the fault of the person who already had a relationship.
And, trust me, I understand better than anyone that things are not always black and white, they are not even grey all the time, but mostly different kind of colors. I know and I understand that all kind of situations can occur - the person is somewhat trapped in the relationship by some type of abuse or any other situation that doesn't really leave place for a separation - I know a friend who's girlfriend was threatening her own life if he left her, and actually tried it, in the end they got married, but he cheated on her right after.
So, I know, things are in a diverse range of colors. This is not to post fingers at the person doing this, or to judge anyone. This is simply to make people understand that solely accusing the person they cheat with is wrong. because most of the times they had no idea the other person was in another relationship. Pretty difficult thing to take into consideration when you caught them and rage takes over making all rationality fly off the window. But, maybe, in a split of a second, this will come to mind.
Photo credit: pixabay
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